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MOVING TO AMERICA; "Challenging Experience"


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Please read and help me make corrections.

"America is much more than a geographical fact. It is a political and moral fact - the first community in which men set out in principle to institutionalize freedom, responsible government, and human equality"
- Adlai Stevenson


It was quotes like this that pacified my fears of moving to a new country from my homeland, India. I could still remember that feeling I had experienced when my mother had told me we were moving to America. I felt as if time had stopped and I didn't know what to think. I couldn't decide whether this life-changing sentence was something I should look forward to or something that will cause me to face more problems than rewards. However, to tell you the truth, I was more excited rather than being in a panic. Nevertheless, I could not bear the fact that I will no longer be able to stroll along the beach minutes away from my house or watch my favorite cricket players dominate the teams of other countries.

Even after I realized the objects and people I will miss, I developed a strong feeling that my family's move to America would welcome me with a better future. Little did I know what I would have to endure to experience the future I had wished for.

After spending nine years in India, I moved to an environment that was totally different from the one I came from. I knew that this would be my biggest hurdle I would have to overcome. As a new 4th grader in a place where Indians were rare, I felt as if I was invisible in the classroom. Being a novice in English, I was looked down by other students and was not well received. I sat quietly in class and tried not to look at anyone; yet, the others talked to each other while watching me and started to laugh. I can still hear that evil laugh. I could still remember the times when the teacher used ask, "Who doesn't have a partner?" and I would be the only one to raise my hand. I was often upset, feeling that there would be no light at the end of the tunnel. I started to question the truthfulness of the quotes like the one in the beginning of this essay.

However, I continued walking through the tunnel, knowing that light will finally be visible. As the second semester approached, my communication skills slowly started to improve. As a result of this progress, I started to enjoy the ability to converse with my classmates. Soon, I made more friends and noticed that I actually enjoyed going to school. Cricket was no more my favorite sport; now, I enjoyed playing the "American" football and basketball. To this day, I continue playing these sports and supporting the Pistons and Lions.
The doors finally opened for me, but it took effort. Life was complicated during the transition stage when I was learning to accustom myself to a new language, culture, and customs. There were times in which I did not want to go to school, times I did not want to face humiliation, and times I wanted to return to India. However, as time passed, I soon discovered that America is exactly as Adlai Stevenson portrayed it in the quote. There wasn't a better place I could have moved to.

In America, I decide how my future will turn out to be. It is up to me to use my independence with responsibility. My journey across the dark tunnel has taught me a priceless lesson: "Confidence is the result of hours and days and weeks and years of constant work and dedication." I have used this lesson in my adapting to a new environment as different as the USA and I expect to use this lesson as my light to direct me when I stumble upon new tunnels in the future.

Greetings!

What an excellent essay! You managed to convey the emotions this experience engendered in you as a child without resorting to over-dramatization. The only corrections I would make have to do with the tenses of some of your verbs.

I could still remember that feeling I had experienced when my mother had told me we were moving to America. - Because you apparently still remember that feeling, you should say "I can" instead of "I could."

I couldn't decide whether this life-changing sentence was something I should look forward to or something that would cause me to face more problems than rewards.

Nevertheless, I could not bear the fact that I would no longer be able to stroll along the beach minutes away from my house or watch my favorite cricket players dominate the teams of other countries.

I can still remember the times when the teacher used ask, "Who doesn't have a partner?"

Very good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com



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