As my motto is "never settle", I'm looking for strength and power to go forward direct to my goal

can you check this now please this other essay and i think what you adviced me is comfortable for another essay which i will, write now which is how the UWC will help me reaching my goals and what are they.

5. Why should we choose YOU to go to UWC? (Maximum 200 words)
As my motto is "never settle" I keep searching for what give me strength and power to go forward direct to my goal, and I find this scholarship and when I am applying to such a college I know that I am for it and I can do it and I know that it is my place because I learnt from my previous experience how to make a thing possible or impossible it is me only who will decide that that is hard and easy and if I want to do a thing I will do it even if I want to move a mountain . I have resoluteness that can make me a man that makes his dreams truth and let him reach his target in the past year when I entered the high school in turkey I kept struggling and I didn't gave up until I reached the small goal I kept, when you have that resoluteness and be a hardworking person and have the faith you will not lose even my marks was low and low in the past year I had faith in my heart that I can do it and didn't stop until I did it.

I have a dream that serve the humanity and fight all kind of devil small and big I want to make that dream truth and every I don't sleep until I be sure that I steped the correct step towards the goal .

And before I started applying I didn't decide to apply only when I was sure that this will help me , I am sure now that this is a big step to my goal and willl shorten the way for me and by the help of the UWC and the friends there my goal will be nearer and nearer and I will reach it not only by my self but byhalf of th UWC family there .

I am very happy that I got the chance to apply and you gave me it and I am very eagerly intant to go there and change my life and break the routine , this all will become truth and I will reach the goal and the first cause will be you and the friends there and the different life so give me the chance to change everything by choosing me.

In your first paragraph, the sentences are too long, making them uncomfortable to read. You should break them to different sentences.


You should delete the ands and make the complex sentence into several sentences. For example :


You should do the same in the rest of your essay too, since you made this mistake in the entire essay, making your essay difficult to understand.

When spotting your title, I was expecting for an essay that sounds ambitious (you seems to be such kind of person). You have a strong will to drive you to your goals. But you have to practice writing more, especially in sentence structures, if you want to tell your strong character to the admission committee. Try to make your essay looks like it is made by an english native speaker (I know you are not native :D)

After all, good luck in your application :)

Hi asem, is this a scholarship essay? If yes. Please focus on your financial burden, little of your academic performance, challenges/leadership and your plan of helping others/giving back. As many, applying for this scholarship can focus on those things I pointed above and get this scholarship.

Your first paragraph is good but try limiting your use of ''and''.

As my motto is ''never settle'' ---> or you mean ''never settle for less''?

What if you put it like this--> As my motto is never settle for less, I am always searching for what to give me strength, support and power to actualize my personal and academic goals so that change my family and community status. Drawing experience from my life struggles, challenges and financial burdens I now know that through self confidence and believe I can make impossible become possible no matter how hard. -----'''then you will continue with this''' ----> I have the potential that can make me a man purse his dream and set target for his goals. In the past year, when I entered high school in Turkey, etc...(continue from that side).

Other paragraph should detail how the scholarship will help you attain your goals.

''The first cause will be you and the friends there and the different life so give me the chance to change everything by choosing me.'' ---> this lines sounds somehow and it looks like you're begging for the scholarship. ---> change the lines and let your essay and the rest, convince the officers that you merit this scholarship.

I believe you will merit this scholarship.