Hi,
This is my common app essay and I wanted to know if I was heading the right way with the topic. I am, evidently, not completely done with it yet but if someone could let me know if my topic is appropriate for this prompt, that would be wonderful. And editing anything else on here would be fantastic as well! Thank you!
Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
The only things you could hear was the rapid scratching of a pencil with the occasional vexatious sound of a shaking desk. Everyone's palm hurt and itched, sweat trailed down everyone's back as they hurried to finish their last exam on math, particularly on dividing fractions. During this 45 minute period, I had lost a sense of time as I was racing against time. After every exam, the teacher called time and my heart skipped a beat because the exam was over; some of the kids hadn't been able to finish the exam and some of the kids hadn't been able to look over all the problems. By the end of the day, the classroom was filled with 41 stressed third graders.
At St. Stephen's Secondary School in Chandigarh, India, no matter what grade you were in, you were always stressed. St. Stephen's Secondary School was a convent school which was under ICSE (Indian Certificate of Secondary Education), the highest standards of Indian Education and my school further amplified those standards. The school was headed by one of the greatest man I know, Harold Carver. He was the anglo- indian Christian principal of the school which was a very unique idea for many Indians. He had very strict policies for teachers, students, and even for parents, ranging from dress code to verbal etiquette. His strict policies, morals, along with the school motto has led me to become the person who I am today.
Who knew that two words, your elementary school's motto, could have an everlasting effect on you. "Semper Sersum" which mean to "always aim higher." This is the motto I have abided by the last twelve years of my life.
I think you can put the conclusion as the introduction. It would make your essay more interesting. Then, you can talk about your identity and how it shaped you by giving examples in your life using this motto.
Here's another approach, in your first paragraph about the test, I wanted to know if you got the best grade in class that day or not. I wanted to know about your achievements in that paragraph. Then, maybe you can keep the rest of the paragraph the same or talking more about your identity in the school and how the motto shaped you.
Jagrit, this is not an essay that will impress the admissions officer. Something that happened to you in the third grade that did not, in the way that you told the story, have anything remarkable to do with the person you became today has no relevance in the common app. A story central to your identity means that you experienced something in life that helped you learn a lesson that changed either your outlook in life or your way of thinking. Bringing you to another level of intellectual, social, and personal maturity. The event you described did nothing of the sort. We don't care about Carver and what he did for your school. What we care about reading in this essay is a story that changed your life which you were not able to talk about in your other common app essays. Present that story and you will have presented the story behind the development of your central identity.
