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"My mother has made an impact in your life" TAMU Admission Essay


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Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

Um hi, I just finished this essay and was wondering if anyone would be kind enough to read it to see if it sounds college level. I am only a high school student and need help. Um thank you.

The people who know us best are the ones who have been with us from the beginning. From our simple habits to the intricacies of our hearts our parents have always been the ones to truly know and love our virtues as well as our natured flaws. They guide us to ensure that we are able to dream of endless possibilities in order to find happiness in who we are and what we do. Significantly to me, my mother is the one who has made an impact in my life. In spite of the times when she made me distress, I have come to realize as a young adult that she only wants the best for me. With the help of her assertive heart and other diverse qualities, she has made a difference to my life by shaping me into an individual with a distinct voice and a heart of gold.
My mother is a burly independent woman with the idea that anything can be achieved if you really work at it. She is powerful in words and sturdy in attitude when it comes to an argument that she truly believes in. She is like a soldier in her own battle against all who try and face her. She may not win all battles but always seems to succeed in proving the principle of that particular quarrel. For instance, when she comes home from work like a veteran who has retired from war, she tells us of her many disputes that she always seems to have and how she tries to assist the client in anyway. Unfortunately when a client does not approve of my mother's best efforts, I feel that it does not matter because it is after all her willingness of the principle to help and do her best for the client. Although she may have flaws of her own, my thriving mother is no pushover. She is like a fluffy cloud in the sky, even though she may be angry at times she is still a gentle mother. A mother who wants nothing more than for her children to achieve high and succeed in happiness.
Towards the end of my middle school years, I felt tedious and grey as though the story of my life would not shift toward adventure lane. It was the same school and house schedule, chores, homework, chores, homework, chores, break! I felt like I was missing something in my life, unfortunately back then, I was not the one to go "Ooh, HEAR ME OUT WORLD!" In fact, I was more of your average honor student with no audacity to speak as piercing as most would. I wanted the world to hear my voice and see what I can do as a person with my own unique qualities. To my mother, I am quite the hard working adolescent, but if it wasn't for her irritating sturdiness to thrive, then I must admit I probably never would have became the over achiever that I am today. Even though my mother's argumentum ways would thwart me, I began to take thought on the arguments me and her would have, because in a way she was right.
I always had this certain quality that would always lead me to wanting to help people in any way. From groceries to babysitting, it didn't matter; I really loved helping the needed. The only thing that used to stop me was that fact that I was too scared to even try and approach them, but luckily not anymore. Because of mother I have proudly went up to people that I have never met before and happily have aided them.
When my freshmen year started, I began to do more than what most people would have. Although I did appreciate the advice given, transcending was not easy for me to achieve, slowly I was progressing and slowly I was changing. My mother has taught me in many ways how distinctive I can be. From speeches to traits observed, I have been influenced by her character. For instance, when my sophomore year was just beginning and a new rank was being given there was a question of my developed leadership skills. If my mother has taught me anything, it is that by taking small steps to achieve a goal will lead to a bigger future. Within this in mind and by the end of my sophomore year, not only was I promoted but the colonel himself apologized to me. From then to present now I am very thankful to my mother's faith in me because with it, I probably would not have would have been able to proved the colonel wrong or become the rank I am today.
To emphasize my mother's sturdy attitude and diverse qualities, she has taught me how to speak with my own mind and not be afraid of what the people say around me. With this quality, I have definitely taken a step to speaking up for myself when needed along with sometimes an attitude if necessary. She has also taught me that even though I have somehow failed at something or didn't give my best, I must learn to look away and understand that as long as I try and give effort then success is a step closer. Another demonstration of my mother's fine spirit is that because of her outspoken character I have been able to step up in the world of education with proud mannerism and a determined mind. With this goal on staying animate, my mother's impact of guidance has allowed me to change myself into a courageous person. I am my own person with individual qualities like no other and a representation that can hopefully serve the community. I have changed for the better for my future and path to an exceptional education. I feel extremely resolute than how I use to feel before and that nothing can stand in my way as long as I give it my best. My mother's strength and love has made a difference in my life and I am very appreciative for it. This woman means a lot to me because she is someone I can look up to and come to when in need. I love her with all of my heart; not despite the fact that she can drive me crazy at times but because of it. The direction she has given me has taught me to strive for nothing less than what I deserve and to never let anyone put me down. Her importance to me is infinite, like the blue sky that gently flows across the world.

Hi Tobi

Your essay is too lengthy. You have repeated some points, and also included unnecessary sentences.
tobixasaurx:
A mother who wants nothing more than for her children to achieve high and succeed in happiness.

You told something like this in the first paragraph.
tobixasaurx:
Although she may have flaws of her own, my thriving mother is no pushover

Look out for this remark. I think I saw it more than once, although the words were different.

Your third paragraph is a bit confusing.
tobixasaurx:
became the over achiever

Come on!! This is your admissions essay! Don't say things like that!

tobixasaurx:
My mother has taught me....

Another repetition.


Revise your essay, and cut out the additional stuff.

Oh...one more thing. If you post a revision, please add one space after each para.
Despite the times when she made caused me distress, I have come to realize as a young adult that she only wants the best for me. With the help of her assertive guidance, intuition, and other diverse qualities, she has made a difference ...
I changed "assertive heart," because although that is an interesting expression it requires some explanation. (What is meant by an assertive heart?)

My mother is a burly strong, independent woman with ....---- Don't call any woman burly! Words of wisdom. They usually do not like it. :-)

She is like a soldier in her own battle against all who try and face her. --- excellent!!

Use a semi-colon:
She is like a fluffy cloud in the sky; even though she may be angry at times she is still a gentle mother.


This is an incomplete sentence:
A mother who wants nothing more than for her children to achieve high and succeed in happiness.

...student without the necessary audacity to speak as piercingly as most would.


... but if it wasn't for her irritating sturdiness to thrive, ----- what do you mean here? Sturdiness....

... really loved helping those in need.

With this goal on of staying animate, my ...

.... not despite the fact that she can drive me crazy at times but because of it.---- cool sentence!
Nice ending, too...

Ershad makes some good points. When you write, do not let it get redundant. If you have already said something, let it stand on its own instead of repeating the point. Artfully cut out phrases that repeat the same point and keep the best ones. You have some really good sentences.



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