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Mother - A FAMILY MEMBER/ FRIEND/PERSON WHO HAD SIGNIFICANT INFLUENCE ON YOU.


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Hi everybody, this is my first post in this forum. This is an essay about topic:
A FAMILY MEMBER/ FRIEND/PERSON WHO HAD SIGNIFICANT INFLUENCE ON YOU. Please help me recognize any of problems of this essay: grammar, vocabulary, etc...

Thank you very much!
Here it is!


It is said that in our own life, destiny brings us opportunities to meet different kinds of people that each one gives us a distinct meaning, and somebody even play role to help us change our self. Without a doubt, my mother had the most significant influence on me. She is the strongest woman that I have ever met. Her life inspire me with confidence and great motivation on the road to success.
Most of my mother's life is full of misfortunes and unexpected troubles. However, the way that she faces with them resiliently and strongly makes her really become a hero in my heart. When my elder sister was born, it was also the time my mother was laid off the present work in a local factory. At that time, she had to try many of works for earning. Although she went through many hardships, she never gave up. Until when I entered the secondary school, our family opened a small restaurant, our income became better. Unfortunately, she continued to suffer from tons of work to do every day. There were days that she woke up from 6 am and worked continuously until 10 pm, so she usually ended her day with great fatigue and she could not keep her eyes opened.
The thing that I admire my mother most is she always keep in her mind the positive thought. In spite of hard works that she does day by day, she always sweetly smiled at me and emphatically said "My little girl, when you face with troubles or sadnesses, you can stop to take a rest, and cry as much as you want. However, keep in mind that you was born to be a strong person. I absolutely believe in you".
When I passed the university entrance exam, I was proud of my achievement could bring back my mother as an significant present. Nevertheless, once more time, misfortune stuck my family unexpectedly. Actually, my father 's business had became rapidly downhill from several months ago, but he still kept silent and borrowed money to try to improve his business .Unfortunately, day by day, these debts became greater, so he can not suffer from them eventually. Moreover, because of excessive pressure, his health becomes weaker. When all family members knew this terrible incident, my mother advised us not to worry too much and appeased our anxiety patiently. My parents had to work more hard and frequently to overcome this difficulty. It is not easy for my parents to earn money for not only our living expenses but also the great debt. Consequently, I decided to become a tutor as a part-time job to share with my parent's sorrows. I wonder how I balance my pressure from exam nerves and my part-time job. However, I believe that I can do all these thing well because, it is the suitable time for me to train myself become stronger.
My mother is just a normal woman in the world, but she is a hero in my heart. She sacrifices her whole life to the happiness of my elder sister and me. When I have in troubles, her strength and power inspire me to overcome difficulties. I have promise myself to become a strong successful person as my mother wish.

Thank all of you again.

In your first sentence you state that "destiny brings opportunities to meet different kinds of people that each one gives us a distinct meaning", but your essay is about your mother, who you are born with, and destiny does not have a lot to do with who your mother is. But overall I liked to Essay. Well thought out, and a good read.
Dec 12, 2010, 06:41pm   #3
and somebody even play role to help us change our self - "Plays a role"
She is the strongest woman that I have ever met - "woman I have ever met "
Her life inspire me with confidence - "Her life inspired me"
makes her really become a hero in my - "makes her a true hero"
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this was a very inspirational story....just make sure u fix the minor grammatical errors and u r all set!
Thank you very much for editting. This essay is very important for me.
Be honest, it is not a perfect essay. Therefore, I have to add more specific details and fix several grammatical errors to really complete it.
,and somebody even play role to help us change our self.-You might want to rephrase this a little.
At that time, she had to try many of works for earning.-You night want to do the same with this sentence.
The thing that I admire my mother most is she always keep in her mind the positive thought.-What positive thought?
keep in mind that you was born to be a strong person. I absolutely believe in you".- that you were born...
I was proud of my achievement could bring back my mother as an significant present.- I don't understand what you are trying to say here.
I wonder how I balance my pressure from exam nerves and my part-time job.
However, I believe that I can do all these thing well because, it is the suitable time for me to train myself become stronger.- Delete the comma after because.



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