can anyone help me edit ?
i feel a bit weird about my writing when i browse through other candidate's why essay
because other ppl are more or less concentrating on columbia, while i am kinda talking all about myself...
your comments will be welcomed ~! thanx
and i am not an english native speaker, hence grammar-wise, please help to pinpoint all the errors
be harsh please:)
Please do believe me that my world was suddenly lightened up with vivid coloration when I saw the Columbia-Juilliard Exchange and the highly refined music programs in Columbia on the website. At the age of 16, I was forced to choose between academic and piano profession. Being equally strong in both, 8th in high school entrance exams and 2nd in international piano competition, I found it hard to resolve. Uncertainty and timidity induced the choice of a normal path, leaving my beloved music merely as an interest. However, I regretted, although I knew neither would be sound. Many nights, I lay on the bed with the same vision popping up over and over again, a splendid concert hall, a grand Steinway & sons and a young pianist, sometimes, Krystian Zimerman, sometimes, Lang Lang and sometimes, I saw a blurred myself. Now, I feel extremely lucky having discovered that my dream college, Columbia, provides such an incredible opportunity. It will be the perfect moment to seize the teenage dream. I know that competition will be immense, but it worth a concrete fight. Interested in both Economics and music, I feel that studying at the world financial centre in a promising college, yet holding firmly on my music is simply amazing. Given the extraordinary Economics and Music departments and professors, the undergraduate core programs and highly reputable on-campus symphony orchestra, I will be feeling like in a heaven beyond imagination.
This is very good overall...
Uncertainty and timidity induced the choice - this sounds contrived, not natural of a normal path, leaving my beloved music merely as an interest. However, I regretted, although I knew neither would be sound.??? Many nights, I lay on the bed with the same vision popping up over and over again, a splendid concert hall, a grand Steinway & sons and a young pianist, sometimes, Krystian Zimerman, sometimes, Lang Lang and sometimes, I saw m yself. Now, I feel extremely lucky having discovered that my dream college, Columbia, provides such an incredible opportunity. It will be the perfect moment to seize the teenage dream. I know that competition will be immense, but it's worth a concrete fight. Interested in both Economics and music, I feel that studying at the world financial centre in a promising college, yet holding firmly on my music is simply amazing. Given the extraordinary Economics and Music departments and professors, the undergraduate core programs and highly reputable on-campus symphony orchestra, I will be feeling like in a heaven beyond imagination.
in the last sentences, I suggest having more specific, concise, and clear examples than you have of your goals and how Columbia provides for them
Thanks!
However, I regretted, although I knew neither would be sound.???
i mean that if i chose academics, then i would regret not to choose music, and if i chose music, i will certainly regret not to choose academics..
in the last sentences, I suggest having more specific, concise, and clear examples than you have of your goals and how Columbia provides for them
could you please offer an example?..i really do not know how to edit it at least for now..:)
THANK YOU VERY MUCH ~!!!
Please do believe me when I say my world was...
At the age of 16, I was forced to choose between academic and piano profession. --- what forced you to choose? I'm not sure I understand.
I agree with Gnu: the end should have clear examples of goals you can achieve while studying there.
- What do you hope to accomplish in these next few years?
- Can you accomplish any of these goals using resources on campus?
- Can you accomplish any as part of a program offered by the school?
Hello Fantasywang,
I like how your choice between music and academics matches perfectly with the Columbia-Julliard exchange. However, I felt that the second half of your answer is a little wordy. If you could be more concise and to the point with what Columbia has to offer, it would be a great answer to the prompt. For example, how would the undergraduate core programs help you to achieve your goal?
I'm struggling on my own short answer and I have less than a day left.:(
Good luck!
Snowflake
