Can you please give me some feedbacks on my statement of purpose ?? What do you think of it ?? Is there anything I need to change??
Thank you so much for your help !
Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
Night rides are my moments of escape, when I loose myself gazing up at the sky, as if hypnotized.
The Moon. I find it to be particularly exquisite. Its unctuous texture reminds me of grandma's goat cheese - a delight ! One night though, between my stomach's grumbles and my wistfulstate of mind, I noticed a phenomenon that challenged a lifetime of misconceptions.
Dad, why does the moon follow us ? I awaited for a response, but only the engine seemed to hear me. I asked him again, louder. Still no answer. I sat back on my seat,deeply frustrated. My father was never oblivious to my unnecessary chattering, even the most ridiculous kind.For the rest of the trip, I kept still, and I tried to understand why I was so shaken by his behavior.
If someone ever asked me what I wanted to become, I would say I want to be like my parents. Being both accomplished engineers, they have always been my role models.My mother's creativity nourished my essence, and the rationality of my father gave me a sense of maturity at a very young age. Being the product of their union, I used to think I inherited their scientific mind as part of their qualities; a belief that was reflected in my audacityto take part into adults' talks.I was no more than an entertainment for them, but I enjoyed it when adultslistened to my opinion. It made me feel special.
That night, my father's silence showed me how bold I must have been to think that I was naturally gifted.The truth is, I was only taking advantage of my attentive, well-rounded parentswho would give me some of their time whenever my curiosity was itched; but now that no one answered my question I felt vulnerable, realizing that I might have missed something in the process of becominglike my parents...Totally absorbed by my thoughts, I did not noticethe car stop.
We had arrived home.
Still without a word, my father grabbed me with one hand, his survey equipment with the other, and took me to the roof. Standing on a stool, and I struggled to find the right angle with the theodolite. « Lower lower, no wait, tilt it to the left, now adjust it, there you go ! » Wow. I had never seen the moon this close. The bright regular dot in my mind, was actually a yellowish ball full of craters and bumps - more of a gruyere rather than goat cheese.
At the end of the experiment, I came to realizehow wrong I was : the moon does not even follow us, meaning that I have so much to learn. On the other hand, my father showed me that I was not much of a scientist, since most of the knowledge I acquired was not the result of my critical thinking.It was a turning point in my life. I became aware of my weaknesses, which only made me more determined to become the scientist I have always dreamed to be.
Since then, I have gained autonomy, not bothering everyone with my questions. I got used to answering them on my own, to the point that I started to simulate and crack eventual problems :from the trivial matter of creating a color changing wall paint, to a dramatic collision of the Earth with a meteorite. I therefore became a problem-solver ; a skill that I find of great use as being a member of the student counsel, as a Model United Nation delegate or simply as I watch overmy silly brothers interact. Today, I still ask a lot of questions, and I still do not have a full understanding of the world around me. However, given the boiling energy inside me, I am sure that nothing can stop me from achieving my goals, of any kind.
There must be a misunderstanding, this is my common app essay, the one I have to submit to each of the schools I am applying to. I have to choose between four prompts, and the one I chose is about challenging a belief.
