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My Mom is the Most Influential Person - college application to UCONN


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Hi all,
This essay is for my college application to UCONN. It is not quite finished yet but I wanted to know if it seemed like I was going in the right direction with it. The prompt is: Describe a person or event that has had a profound effect upon your life.


Throughout my life I have been influenced by thousands of things; from music, to novels, to movies, and game shows. All these things lead back to influential people in my life, like my grandparents, my friends, my aunts and uncles, my father, and even my brother. However, my mom is by far the most influential person in my life.
At a young age my mom instilled in me a love for reading. When I was little she used to come into my room and read me chapters of novels like Stuart Little and The Trumpet of the Swan. As I grew older she nurtured my love of reading by constantly providing me with more and more challenging material to read.
My mom is not just an influential person to me; she is an inspiring human being. This amazing woman has combated with cancer all over her body and has bounced back every time after her treatments. My mom also recently conquered her battle with her weight, which she has been fighting since she was younger than me. Not only has my mother overcome these obstacles but she still maintains a job that she is constantly working. At her job she provides for mentally and physically handicapped citizens. While this job is taxing on her, she almost always accepts the call for overtime just so she can make sure her family can live comfortably. These feats are performed by my mom with a grace and poise that I one day aspire to have.
Despite all the rough times my mom has encountered she is still able to, "suck the marrow out of life." This amazing role model not only lives life but fully embraces it. Just one example of this is when she conquered her fear of heights by sky diving out of an airplane hundreds of feet off of the ground. She has influenced my life by teaching me to experience the world, not just merely live in it.


Thank-you for reading, and any advice on how to make this better would be greatly appreciated.

Good afternoon.

Here are my thoughts:

"Throughout my life I have been influenced by thousands of things; from music (Remove comma) to novels, movies, and game shows. All these things lead back to influential people in my life, like my grandparents, my friends, my aunts and uncles, my father, and even my brother. However, my mom is by far the most influential person in my life.
At a young age my mom instilled in me a love for reading. When I was little she used to come into my room and read me chapters of novels like Stuart Little and The Trumpet of the Swan. These titles should be enclosed in double quotation marks. As I grew older she nurtured my love of reading by constantly providing me with more and more challenging material to read.
My mom is not just an influential person to me; she is an inspiring human being. This amazing woman has battled cancer all over her body and has bounced back every time after her treatments. My mom also recently conquered her battle with her weight, which she has been fighting since she was younger than me. Not only has my mother overcome these obstacles but she still maintains a job that she constantly works. At her job she provides for mentally and physically handicapped citizens. While this job is taxing on her, she almost always accepts the call for overtime just so she can make sure her family can live comfortably. These feats are performed by my mom with a grace and poise that I one day aspire to have.
Despite all the rough times my mom has encountered she is still able to, "suck the marrow out of life." This amazing role model not only lives life but fully embraces it. Just one example of this is when she conquered her fear of heights by sky diving out of an airplane hundreds of feet off of the ground. She has influenced my life by teaching me to experience the world, not just merely live in it."

A very nice piece; a great answer to the prompt. Good work.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com



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