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My mom - Most influential person essay


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Aug 19, 2010, 10:30am   #1
This essay is for college admission on the most influential person in my life and i would like your help editing it and getting your suggestions on it.
Throughout my life I have had many people that have influenced me, but the most influential person to me out of all of them is my mom. My mom has earned this right because I feel that she is the picture you see, when you think of a strong independent woman. Her strength comes from within and you can tell when you ...

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Aug 20, 2010, 04:06am   #2
nak2011:
but the most influential person to me out of all of them is my mom.

but the one who influences me the most is my mum.
nak2011:
My mom has earned this right because I feel that she is the picture you see, when you think of a strong independent woman

...because she reflects the picture of a strong and independent woman.
nak2011:
Her strength comes from within and you can tell when you when you talk to her, not to mention when you hear what she has done.

Her strength comes from the fire within her, acquired by all the hardships she has faced.
nak2011:
The reason I look at her and see is strength is the fact

The reason I admire her strength is the fact...
nak2011:

My mom is an example of in dependence in how she was able to be a single mother of three and still maintained a great life with little help.

You have already mentioned independence.
You can rather say: She is an example of a great mother who has reared three children on her own, and who has yet lived a good life with the help of few.
nak2011:
She has taught me by working hard and keeping yourself focused anything, is possible.

She made me understand the quote 'When there is a will, there is a way', and this surely did make a difference to me. I always focus on whatever I want to excel.
nak2011:
I admire my mother for the compassion she is able to give to others.

I admire her for the compassion she has to others.
nak2011:
The way she can take her experiences and apply them to help other shows how she cares.

The way she relates her experiences and her perception on others' problems, she is able to help them, thus showing her carefulness.
nak2011:
and helped guide her to get out of that relationship.

...advised her and brought her back on the right track.
nak2011:
All of these characteristics from my mom have shaped me and made me the person I am today and that is why I look at my mom as the most influential person in my life.

My mum's qualities have contributed towards my well upbringing and whenever I call her 'mum', I feel proud for the great person she is and made me become.

You have used 'mom' too many times.
Aug 20, 2010, 05:24am   #3
My mom have affected my life greatly and have helped me become the person I am today. she have helped me in many ways; she push me to be the best, she's always there for me, and she possess good qualities that I try to obtain. My parents are always pushing me to be the best. Because they believe that, I have a bright future ahead of me, and they want me to make the most out of it. Whenever I have a problem with anything, I can always go to them. They have shown me that a parent can be more than just your parent they can be your friend as well. With all his advice and support, I have become a stronger and better person.
Throughout my life I have had many people that have influenced me, but the most influential person to me out of all of them is my mom. --- you can write this sentence in 1/2 the number of words, so cut it down to size! :-)

My mom has earned this right (not a right, a "rank")because I feel that she is the picture you see (no comma necessary here) when you think of a strong, independent woman. Her strength comes from within, and you can tell when you when you talk to her, not to mention when you hear what she has done.

The way she can take her experiences and apply them to help other shows how she cares. --- this sentence is incomplete! You can revise it to give it a predicate. :-)

Whenever you have a compound sentence, use a comm:
All of these characteristics from my mom have shaped me and made me the person I am today, and that is why I look at my mom as the most influential person in my life.

I bet this will make her feel good about the role she has played as a mother. Congratulate her for me!
Aug 24, 2010, 05:48pm   #5
I have revised my essay and would like to get some input on my revisions.
Throughout my life I have had many people that have influenced me, but the most influential of them all is my mom. My mom has earned this rank because she reflects the picture of a strong, independent woman. Her strength comes from within, acquired by the hardships she has faced. The reason I admire her strength is the fact that she was able to end a bad marriage for the sake of her children, and kept fighting for years later to ensure their safety, away from the very man she was trying to break free from in the first place.
She is an example of a great mother who has brought up three children on her own, and who has yet lived a good life with the help from few. She has made me understand the quote "When there is a will, there is a way", and this surely did make a difference to me. From this I focus on my goals and work hard to excel at them. My mom worked as a nurse and would wake up early to make sure we got off to school and then worked a twelve hour day. I admire my mother for the compassion she is gives towards others. The way she relates her experiences and her perception on others' problems, she is able to help them, thus showing understanding and compassion. When her friend was involved in a bad relationship she was there for her and advised her and brought her back on the right track. All of these characteristics from my mom have shaped me and made me the person I am today, and that is why I look at my mom as the most influential person in my life.
This essay is for college admission about the most influential person in my life and i need your help and supplement in my essay!
there have had many people passing by my life, but the most influential person to me is my mom. I feel she is like an independent model. (Her strength comes from within and you can tell when you when you talk to her, not to mention when you hear what she has done.) i really dont make sense your idea here. my mom is a tough woman, as she has ended up (her or the) bad marriage for the sake of her children, and kept fighting for years to ensure their safety, (away from the very man she was trying to break free from in the first) wrong in grammar! and unclear! and too long.
As an example of independence, she was able to be a single mother of three ,and still maintained (a great life with little help) "should make clear this idea". She has taught me (by) to work hard and (keeping yourself focused anything, is possible) "not correct in grammar" keep focusing on things as much as possible . (My mom worked as a nurse) "no need to introduce her job here" (and would wake up early to make sure we got off to school and then worked a twelve hour day). in order not to be late school, everyday she got up early and woke me up. (I admire my mother for the compassion she is able to give to others)." i admire my mom because of her compassion to others". ( The way she can take her experiences and apply them to help other shows how she cares)" through the way she applied experiences to help other people showing how careful she was." ( but noone says it ). .( When her friend was involved in a bad relationship she was there for her and helped guide her to get out of that relationship). and if her friends got in trouble, she always helped them to get over it. . (All of these characteristics from my mom have shaped me and made me the person I am today and that is why I look at my mom as the most influential person in my life.) "along with those characters , she has shaped the better for me, and that's why my mom is the most influential person in my life.
im not a native speaker! so im not sure my edit's relevant completely! but i hope yo take it as reference! anyway! using the simple sentence is better than the complete and compound sentence!
Aug 26, 2010, 05:12am   #7
Hi.

From your essay, I can definitely tell that your mum is awesome. But I think instead of listing down all her strength with adjectives, you need to show us why she deserves to be described this way, and how her action has influenced you.

I'll suggest you to narrow down your focus and explore a little bit more your inner thoughts. Go have a walk, or talk to your mum, it will give you some inspiration.

G L~
Aug 26, 2010, 11:05am   #8
nak2011:
All of these characteristics from my mom have shaped me and made me the person I am today and that is why I look at my mom as the most influential person in my life.

So far, you listed how your mom is strong and the person you look up to, but you didn't say much about how she influenced you. What did you do to try to imitate your mother? How did you go about changing your old ways to become like your mother? Do you see what I mean? Try to apply her virtues to yourself and how you demonstrate them also.



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