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My mom - Most influential person essay


nak2011 2 / 1  
Aug 19, 2010   #1
This essay is for college admission on the most influential person in my life and i would like your help editing it and getting your suggestions on it.

Throughout my life I have had many people that have influenced me, but the most influential of them all is my mom. My mom has earned this rank because she reflects the picture of a strong, independent woman. Her strength comes from within, acquired by the hardships she has faced. The reason I admire her strength is the fact that she was able to end a bad marriage for the sake of her children, and kept fighting for years later to ensure their safety, away from the very man she was trying to break free from in the first place.

She is an example of a great mother who has brought up three children on her own, and who has yet lived a good life with the help from few. She has made me understand the quote "When there is a will, there is a way", and this surely did make a difference to me. From this I focus on my goals and work hard to excel at them. My mom worked as a nurse and would wake up early to make sure we got off to school and then worked a twelve hour day. I admire my mother for the compassion she is gives towards others. The way she relates her experiences and her perception on others' problems, she is able to help them, thus showing understanding and compassion. When her friend was involved in a bad relationship she was there for her and advised her and brought her back on the right track. All of these characteristics from my mom have shaped me and made me the person I am today, and that is why I look at my mom as the most influential person in my life.
Pr09 1 / 5  
Aug 20, 2010   #2
but the most influential person to me out of all of them is my mom .

but the one who influences me the most is my mum.

My mom has earned this right because I feel that she is the picture you see, when you think of a strong independent woman

...because she reflects the picture of a strong and independent woman.

Her strength comes from within and you can tell when you when you talk to her, not to mention when you hear what she has done.

Her strength comes from the fire within her, acquired by all the hardships she has faced.

The reason I look at her and see is strength is the fact

The reason I admire her strength is the fact...

My mom is an example of in dependence in how she was able to be a single mother of three and still maintained a great life with little help.

You have already mentioned independence.
You can rather say: She is an example of a great mother who has reared three children on her own, and who has yet lived a good life with the help of few.

She has taught me by working hard and keeping yourself focused anything, is possible.

She made me understand the quote 'When there is a will, there is a way', and this surely did make a difference to me. I always focus on whatever I want to excel.

I admire my mother for the compassion she is able to give to others.

I admire her for the compassion she has to others.

The way she can take her experiences and apply them to help other shows how she cares.

The way she relates her experiences and her perception on others' problems, she is able to help them, thus showing her carefulness.

and helped guide her to get out of that relationship.

...advised her and brought her back on the right track.

All of these characteristics from my mom have shaped me and made me the person I am today and that is why I look at my mom as the most influential person in my life.

My mum's qualities have contributed towards my well upbringing and whenever I call her 'mum', I feel proud for the great person she is and made me become.

You have used 'mom' too many times.
rushingasever 1 / 9  
Aug 20, 2010   #3
My mom have affected my life greatly and have helped me become the person I am today. she have helped me in many ways; she push me to be the best, she's always there for me, and she possess good qualities that I try to obtain. My parents are always pushing me to be the best. Because they believe that, I have a bright future ahead of me, and they want me to make the most out of it. Whenever I have a problem with anything, I can always go to them. They have shown me that a parent can be more than just your parent they can be your friend as well. With all his advice and support, I have become a stronger and better person.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Aug 20, 2010   #4
Throughout my life I have had many people that have influenced me, but the most influential person to me out of all of them is my mom. --- you can write this sentence in 1/2 the number of words, so cut it down to size! :-)

My mom has earned this right (not a right, a "rank")because I feel that she is the picture you see (no comma necessary here) when you think of a strong, independent woman. Her strength comes from within, and you can tell when you when you talk to her, not to mention when you hear what she has done.

The way she can take her experiences and apply them to help other shows how she cares. --- this sentence is incomplete! You can revise it to give it a predicate. :-)

Whenever you have a compound sentence, use a comm:
All of these characteristics from my mom have shaped me and made me the person I am today, and that is why I look at my mom as the most influential person in my life.

I bet this will make her feel good about the role she has played as a mother. Congratulate her for me!


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