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Medicine + Piece of Advice - Brown Supplement Essays


DemolitionX 4 / 9  
Dec 17, 2009   #1
Please read my essays and offer any advice possible.

Thanks in advance

Prompt 1 - Why are you drawn to the academic fields you indicated in the Anticipated Degree and Academic Interest questions above? (Medicine)

Answer 1

Growing up in a disease ridden society of today isn't easy. We have to constantly watch what we do, where we go and who we interact with- and when prevention fails, a cure is the only hope. Medicine is that cure. I wasn't more than 6 when my mom jokingly told me that my first words were "doctor". Ironically enough, I have since grown to have a profound love for the sciences- biology in particular. I've always been a person more interested in giving than receiving; I see medicine as a channel through which I can offer help to those in need, while at the same time, doing something I enjoy. Of course the occasional jiving by my parents calling me "Dr. Buchanan" did play its part, however small, on encouraging me in that said direction. My drive however, comes from a much deeper source- passion for science. Whether it is surgery, psychiatry or research, medicinal science will play a grandeur role in my auspicious future.

Prompt 2 - What's the best piece of advice you've ever been given and why.

Answer 2

Stomach churning, nail biting, sweating profusely; my nerves had been kicked into overdrive the morning preceding my junior year examinations. With my biology text in hand, swinging the pages with celerity trying to retain whatever information possible, my dad entered the room. Releasing a sigh of defeat, I put down the book when my dad looked to me and said, "Son, the sky is the limit." I looked up and smiled, unaware that it would take precedence for the rest of my life.

Now relaxed and confident, I entered the exam with Excellence in mind. I reflected many times on what my father had said, and it kept me alert and wired throughout. When result arrived, I was more than ecstatic to see "A+". It was then that I realized that in truth and in fact, I could do anything I put my mind to.

Throughout the many years of my life I had given and received fruitful advice. Nothing though, had ever influenced my thought process and decision making to such a length as this. In no time, this advice seemed to dominate all aspects of my life. I aimed for the utmost best in my extra and co-curricular activities and was still pleased even I fell a little short of my goal. After all, if you aim for 'perfect' and end up with 'best', I am sure it would be worth settling for.

Years later I reflect on the past and the present alike. I realize that much of my achievements are due to the advice I was given. I realize how empty life would be if I always settled for mediocrity and how little I would have gained if any from my activities. I can only hope to continue drawing on it as life progresses.

I began to pass the advice on to many colleagues and strangers alike, and was happy to see it help them prosper. I made it my duty to advise as I was given advice. To think that a few words could have such a robust effect on anything for that matter is almost inconceivable. Now, I walk with that phrase as does a pastor with his bible.

The advice of my dad was the seed of my apple tree- it has helped to grow and shape me into the person I am today: someone that strives for excellence and settles for nothing less. I have learnt that even if you aim high and miss, you'll still be close to your target. Maybe one day I'll be able to say," if you look up high, you'll see that I'm in it."
OP DemolitionX 4 / 9  
Dec 19, 2009   #2
Wow, thanks for the corrections and advice man, it really does help to let others read your essay!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 20, 2009   #3
I wasn't more than 6 when my mom jokingly told me that my first words were "doctor".

I recommend six instead of 6, but more importantly, my first words were doctor is wrong. One of the first words I spoke as a baby was "doctor."

When possible, use physican instead of doctor.

On the 2 sides of a semi-colon, you are supposed to have independent clauses. That means they should be able to be complete sentences on their own. ----> Stomach churning, nail biting, sweating profusely; my nerves had been kicked into overdrive the morning preceding my junior year examinations.-----> therefore, you should use a dash instead. a dash is like a glorified comma.

ALSO, these things should all be about the same actor performing the actions:
Feelng my stomach churn, biting my nails, sweating profusely -- my nerves...

I hope I explained that correctly!

Good luck at Brown! Enjoy Thayer street and the water fires.


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