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Meant to be Temple-Made - earlier I had only dreams that were way to big and scary for my small town


stefanieionadi 1 / -  
Sep 14, 2014   #1
Imagine you have graduated from Temple University. You are preparing to attend your 10-year reunion, and the alumni office has asked you to write a one-page essay about your personal and professional accomplishments since graduation. What would yours say?

Before Temple, I had no idea what I was going to do with my life only dreams that were way to big and scary for my small town. Deciding to move five hours away from home and across the state from Pittsburgh to Philadelphia to a city that I had only visited a couple of times was the hardest decision that I have ever made. Ten years after graduation, I look back on my years at Temple and know that I made the right decision. Living in Philadelphia was one of the greatest times of my life even though I had to grow up a lot. When I graduated in 2019, I finally fulfilled my dream of moving to the west coast. I think of myself as a city body, I thrived in Philadelphia and love being part of a place that never stops. In San Francisco life is still is difficult and busy, but better than what I than I could have ever imagined. With help from Temple, I was able to get my dream job working at Google Mountain View when I graduated college. It really helped that I went to a school with a huge alumni network where everyone supports there fellow owls! Everyday is a new adventure working at the most thrilling but rewarding job with my degree in International Business from Temple and my MBA that I earned from Temple after finishing my undergraduate degree. Cooperating with international clients and correspondents and traveling the world on business trips is part of my normal routine. Living in Philadelphia for four years provided me with the knowledge, wisdom, experience and growth that helped me become the successful businesswoman that I am today.

In 2015, when I first arrived at Temple I thought that I had my life completely figured out. Temple showed helped me adjust and mature into being an adult, without all of the amazing memories and mistakes, that I am grateful for, I would not have become the adult that I am today. My alma mater shaped me into the cultured, humble, and independent person that I am. Even ten years later I still view my years at Temple with a great bit of nostalgia. If I had the chance to redo my undergraduate degree, I would not think twice about going to Temple, I cherish every friend and professor I was able to meet. I keep in contact with many of my fellow owl alumni and am happy to meet and help recent graduates who have the same dream as I had ten years ago. Although I may seem I have a perfect life and career, I am still humble and will never forget where I spent some of the greatest years of my life. Philadelphia is like a second home to me, I visit as often as I am able to. I love giving back to and supporting a university that is still so special to me and helped me become the person I am today. I don't know if I believe in fate, but I know I was meant to be Temple-Made.

Any tips/critiques??
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Sep 14, 2014   #2
Stefani, while you wrote a very engaging and informative single page essay but I have to tell you that you did not answer the essay prompt completely. The essay is asking you to write about how you imagine your personal and professional career 10 years from now. That means the admissions officer wants to get a clear idea of the personal and professional path that you plan on taking in the future. Instead what we have is information from you that goes back and forth from your time as a student to you in the future and vice versa. That is not how this essay is supposed to be written. You should concentrate solely on discussing how you completed your future plans (for example, you worked for Microsoft and unexpectedly got pirated by Google. ) and what your personal accomplishments are (Say, you are a single mother raising a son and a daughter and you are amazed by how you manage your professional and personal life with such ease). There is no use doing a retrospective in this case. What the officer wants to read is how you see yourself in the future, regardless of your past. Also, 10 years after graduation, expect that any influence Temple has had over you will have waned in favor of your more adult life demands such as your office culture and personal situation/issues. They expect to know where you will be in 10 years, not how Temple influenced you over 10 years.


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