I' am many things and Black is one of them; however, " Being colored is a metaphysical dilemma I haven't conquered yet."
I see an apostrophe in front of that first word, must be a typo. Also, if you are quoting someone put their name in parentheses:
...however, " Being colored is a metaphysical dilemma I haven't conquered yet" (name).
You have a lot of great ideas here.. even though it does not define you, it is a part of you. Great sentence! But 'apart' means something different. Use 2 words: a part...
Thus, in my ongoing
adolescences adolescence I've ...
further my educational goals and dreams. I believe that the opportunities within and ... If able to attend the University of Texas, I see myself being able to step into the person that I've strived to become thus far. All this part, in the transition into the last paragraph.. it all is too general, I think. When you make a very general statement, it's like throwing a punch and missing. Say specific things. Share your idea. If you have no specific idea, come up with one. Some people say part of the reason more African American males are in prison, for example, involves low quality education in predominantly poor African American communities. So maybe you have ideas about how to direct your studies in a way that will help you create educational opportunity for young African American males. How could you help them have opportunities? Express a specific plan. : )
You write very well!