Who has made you who you are today (my uncle)

Who or what made me who I am today.
please provide feedback and better vocab!
Thank you

I have stumbled across many special people in my life. For the most part, my parents particularly special and significant, but the one person I believe is the most significant to me is my desired and most cherished man who was the was the first person to hold me when I was only a minute old. My uncle is one of the main reasons why I am who I am today. Without him life would not be the same. From the day I was born he has been one of my favorite role models. His ethics and values taught me how to be a person and a lady, everyday from school he always asks me; "what homework I have," "how was my day," "how was school," and keep me on my toes. He has been my backbone and I know without his stern and firm personality scolding me I would not be where I am today.

My uncle did many things, he is a medium, policeman and works at the hospital and I have always been inspired and fascinated by his work as a medium. I went to church with him one day when he was giving one of his readings and I always asked for one. However up to this day i still haven't got it! Whenever I was down or worried I would always confide in him for advice or help. If I needed school help he would be the one to go to. My mother was also there for me too but not like how he was. He was very persistent in my studies and told me to keep my head up as what I put into my work is what I will get out of it. He taught me the values of life and to enjoy each day as if it was your last, and friendships come and go, but family will always be there by your side; through the good and bad times.

I remember when I was young and immature I would never understand why he would never let me have my own way all the time or why he would be so firm with me! Now that I have grown up more and became more sophisticated I understand why I was always told to study my lesson; to do well in high school!

I have never actually got the chance give thanks for all his influence in my life and let him know how much of an impact he has made but I know in my heart life would not be the same without him. Even though he resides in London, England and now has a year old child of his own, I know his son will make it tremendously far in life. I know that his personality and teaching styles have definitely taken effect on me and I will make sure his ethics and values will stick with me forever.

Hmmm . . . I can't really picture your uncle after reading this essay. It is also not clear why his asking of routine questions would make him a great influence on you. Finally, you say he is a con man, er, sorry, "medium," which immediately makes me think that he is a poor choice of role model, and makes me question your judgment in holding him up as a positive influence. You will need to write a much more detailed narrative that shows his positive influence on your life if you hope to impress the admissions officers.

^This is unnecessary.


^Not necessary


^For some reason I think that this is normal for a gaurdian.

I read the rest of your essay and it doesn't appeal to me. It sounds like your uncles influence on you is average. If this is true, I recommend that you do not write your essay about him. If this is false, you should emphasize your uncles influence on you with something other than empty statements. Almost all of the sentences in your essay are empty.

I know, my essays are very weak and I just can't seem to think of someone or what has made me who I am today. I wasn't very passionate about writing this essay therfore it isn't a strong one.

Can you give me ideas on WHAT made you who you are today?
I was definately running out of things to say at the end of the essay that's why some things may have been repeated.

There is no single event in my life that has made me what I am today but I would say that my best friend has had a major influence in my life. Maybe you should talk about a particular friend who has influenced you.

Hmm thats a good one. I really didn't want to choose my parents because it seems everyone chooses them. It has to be at least 500 words so hopefully I can get enough points on my best friend.

Btw this is for my AP eng class this isn't a admission essay I don't know why it ended up in this topic