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"Mad, angry, and frustrated; my parents store" - Page 87 of my autobiography


lolo1121 1 / 1  
Nov 29, 2010   #1
Compose page 87 of your autobiography.

Slamming, grinding, banging. Those sounds were typical in my parents store, when my father or mother cleans the dishes those sounds would reproduce, the medal pans would hit each other causing them to create noises, depending on what it hit, if it was non-metal or metal, and also depending on the size of the object, these noises would also reappear when they are stacking the dishes on the shelves. I was in the back of my fathers store fixing me something to eat, French fries, to be exact, when I heard my fathers deep abrasive voice yelling "get out". At that moment I knew that those noises weren't caused by dishes, but something more humorless. The loudness that came from his voice and traveled through the front of the store to my ear lobes frightened me. Surprised, scared, and astonished, I lurked around the door to see what was taking place. To my full surprise I saw my uncle's red face and his snowy white beard, standing there, still, and calm. I turned around to my mother to ask her what was going on, but once I looked into her face, all the shininess that came from her eyes, because of her tears, caught my attention, like looking at the various colorful lights coming from a diamond planted on a ring locked in a case in a jewelry store. At that moment I knew something was wrong, I wasn't afraid in the beginning, because this confrontation with my father and uncle happened before, but once I saw my mothers tears, I knew that I should be afraid. My brothers and sister were in the front, where all the action was taking place. I was anxious to leave my mother, I thought it was my responsibility to look after her and comfort her, but curiosity took over my thoughts of responsibility and comforting, so I started to walk to the front. Hesitant to go any further when I heard both my uncle and father yelling very loudly, I kept walking in a very slow pace until I reached a spot close enough to see and understand what was going on but not enough for them to see me. I had a clear view now. I could see my uncle trying to push the deli case over, but he couldn't, the deli case was 10 times his size. Mad, angry, and frustrated, he began to curse, scream, and kick the air. He turned even redder, he was at the point where smoke should've came out of his ears. My father on the other hand was composed, but I could see in his face that he was sad, maybe because the image that he was seeing caused him to let down his shield and think of the person in front of him; his brother, his younger brother, the one who he took care of, the one who gave him support and help when he came to America. Things were getting worse, my uncle was becoming more and more exasperated, and my father was losing his patience. Suddenly my father shouted to my mother and told her to "call the police". I went inside the kitchen to see how she was going to react. She took the phone and stared at it, she was reluctant to push any buttons, but as soon as she heard my uncles voice, she pressed the 9, followed by the two 1's, then she pressed talk. A few minutes later, I could hear the police sirens and I could see the bright blue lights of the police car reflecting off the front store windows. 3 police cars were in front of my fathers store, and only 3 officers came inside to investigate the situation. I didn't want to hear the story, I didn't want to know the problems that was between my father and uncle, all I wanted was to see their faces, see their expressions. The only thing I heard from the conversation between the officers and the two brothers, was the officer saying "you guys should be ashamed of yourselves, two brothers, I better not see this again". I knew at that point that everything was over. My uncle was taken out of the store and was talking to the officers. My father was inside talking to my mother. Torn between both conversations taking place, the one with my uncles and the officers, and the one with my mother and father, I chose to ignore all surroundings. I waited until everything cleared and almost got back to normal. My fries were now cold, and the noise that was caused by the dishes began to flare up as soon as my father began to clean the dishes to close the store. Ready to go home, my father took me and my siblings in the front of the store and told us "Never ever do this to each other, Love each other, and care about each other, never do what you just saw" he also stated that " Education is important, if you have education you would never have to deal with such people, nor will you be ignorant". What he said stuck in my mind, and education was even more important to me then ever before.
kawaiikoinu 2 / 6  
Nov 30, 2010   #2
I'm sorry about the situation between your father and uncle, hopefully their relationship will improve soon.

Moving on to your piece, I'm sure you realize there are a few grammatical errors that need to be corrected. All in all, your piece was nice - it flows and your descriptions of the situation are good. Perhaps break it down into paragraphs because the large block of text is a little painful on the eyes. The only real problem I had with your piece was where you mentioned the importance of education. I'm not quite seeing how violence between family connects to getting an education; it feels like that little tidbit just came out of nowhere. I suggest you either expand on that part of your writing or you cut it out altogether.
OP lolo1121 1 / 1  
Nov 30, 2010   #3
Thank you so much!
I will break down and try to correct all gramatical errors. I was also thinking about the end, I didnt know if i should put that in there, but now i will take it out. Im not sure of how I can expand the ending...any advice?
kawaiikoinu 2 / 6  
Nov 30, 2010   #4
Off the top of my head, sorry. I don't know what's happened in your life, so I couldn't really say lol. If you have to worry about length in your piece, you should probably just take out the education part altogether, because otherwise I think it would take another section of story to work in the education bit.


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