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'I live in a rough neighborhood' - Common App Claremont McKenna


caraconcerta 1 / 1  
Dec 27, 2011   #1
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

I was born into a secure family. My mother and father, albeit divorced by the time I was five, were amicable and decided early on that me and my sister's wellbeing came first. I am lucky; I have an unbelievable support system, filled with people who love and protect me. As a teenager, I was still ignorant to the harsh realities of life...however this ignorance disappeared the day I was forced to witness the murder of Vernon in front of my middle school entrance. Once blissful and naïve, I suddenly felt my world crashing down upon me.

I live in a rough neighborhood, where gangs clash with other gangs, killings occur monthly, and races fight for power. Barnard White Middle School was in the midst of two territories: one belonging to a Latino gang, and the other an African American gang. Yet the school had an almost magical way of granting peace to students. Inside of the school grounds, all races mixed, there was no fighting, and there were no secrets. Everybody was direct and honest. Barnard White was a refuge for all.

My adoration and trust in my school left me unprepared for the wars faced outside of it. I remember the day Vernon was shot: the last bell before winter break had rung long before it happened, but I stayed behind in my classroom with friends. From a distance, I suddenly heard a car screeching in the parking lot, foul sets of words screamed, then gunshots. Our teacher quickly locked us in the room; I was still, petrified. I never fathomed that I would hear a more horrible sound than that of a gunshot. But then I heard his bone-chilling scream. His cry of desperation and demise is a noise that still haunts me to this day.

I was forced to lay witness to his death that day. I sat in a room and could do nothing to save him. The lights from the numerous cop cars blurred as I felt my sweet childhood memories being defiled by the evils of life. The sirens were muted for all I could hear was the replay of the gunshot, the car screeching, and his agonizing scream. I had lived a semi-charmed life, oblivious to the injustices around me, just feeling content in my own little bubble.

So many people take life for granted. I can honestly say that each day is a blessing of which I refuse to waste. This moment in my life truly inspired me to become a leader. I never wanted to hear another's pain again. I began attending violence coalitions and founded the youth violence coalition at my school after the event. Since that day, I always reach for the stars, work to be the best person I can be, and love as much as possible because of Vernon. His death taught me to appreciate my life, and face the realities of this harsh world. I will never forget him, and how his life changed me.
Ahoips 1 / 2  
Dec 27, 2011   #2
You brought the event to life very well! The only thing is...in the last paragraph where you tie this event to you and how you changed, I would show more evidence of what actions you have already taken and make it more specific instead of general statements
OP caraconcerta 1 / 1  
Dec 27, 2011   #3
Okay, I've rewritten another version of the essay. I guess I'll post it again. Thank you so much!


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