I have written 2 versions for this essay, the first of which is more of an experiment (and I'm leaning more towards that one), and the second is a bit more traditional.
Please let me know what you think, which of these essays should I improve and which to discard, and any suggestions as to how to improve (especially structure-wise).
The prompt for both of these is:
Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate -- and us -- know you better. (100 to 250 words)
Here are the essays -
V1 (363 words):Hey you,
We haven't been introduced yet, so be you a girl, a guy, a vegan, or even a Pastafarian believing in the Flying Spaghetti Monster - know that we'll get along just great. What I want to share before we officially become roommates, though, is a very important piece of information regarding myself:
I live by the Iguana Rule.
"What's this Iguana Rule?" you may ask, and "Why should I even care?". To answer the former, let me explain what the Iguana Rule is and how it came to be - the Iguana Rule was first conceived as an alternative to the well known Five Second Rule, except that instead of a grace perioud of 5 seconds you may only pick up a piece of food you have dropped on the ground if a live iguana had not stepped on it. This may sound weird, or as just an excuse to be disgusting. It's actually very serious business - especially in Guayaquil, Ecuador, where life-endangering encounters with hungry iguanas are common. This rule was created in order to prevent useless loss of limbs and even lives, stemming from the fact that iguanas can step on your Dorito faster than you can blink, daring you to try and snatch it back while looking at you mockingly with those piercing, cold-blooded eyes.
In other parts of the world the Iguana Rule isn't as relevant for obvious reasons.
To answer the latter, maybe this hypothetical Iguana Rule was invented solely for the sake of this letter, trying to grab your attention, future roommie, and tell you this - if you can bare to live with someone who believes in that silly Rule, then you can bare living with me. Know that I'm a pretty ordinary guy, and that the only weird things I actually do are collecting juggling balls (I own over 100 different ones) and coins (exactly 1643); I cook for a dozen even if I'm the only one eating; and my pet peeves are high heels and mornings.
... and if no one is watching and I drop a Dorito on the floor, I might cite the Iguana Rule and pick it up.
Yours,
Oriyan.
V2 (266 words):Dear roomate,
Before meeting for the first time I'd like you to get to know me a bit better, so you can have a better idea of who your future roommie is. First, let's start with the most important facts:
- I live by the Iguana Rule (basically a variation of the Five-second Rule involving live iguanas rather than keeping time).
- I own over 100 different juggling balls, about 200 fantasy & sci-fi novels, and exactly 1643 coins from 47 different countries.
- I hate only three things with a passion: cockroaches, high heels, and mornings.
If you can put up with my little quirks, then know that being my roommate also comes with several advantages -
I cook with a passion and make the meanest meat empanadas you will have ever tried, and once a week I will cook for us my favorite dish, Shakshuka (an Israeli dish based on eggs and tomatoes). I love playing Guitar Hero, meaning we can jam together for hours if you're up for the challenge. As my roommate and friend, we will also most likely discuss one of my three favorite subjects: (1) Juggling Physics (or "Where the heck did that ball come from to hit me?") (2) Sweet Nostalgia (or "Remember that cartoon thing with the mice that had abs and lived on mars? That was awesome") (3) Ethical Dilemmas (or "Should I pick up that Dorito I just dropped? I don't see any iguanas...")
Surely we'll get along no matter what, so let's have fun as new roommates, as friends, and as Stanford freshmen.
Yours,
Oriyan.
Oriyan, you are right about leaning towards the first essay. I would suggest however that you include a particular portion of the 2nd version that shows how much fun it can be living with you. I specifically would like you to add this:
If you can put up with my little quirks, then know that being my roommate also comes with several advantages -
Don't you think that by combining these two parts of the essay, your fun and easy going personality will more than shine through in the letter? Just my suggestion though. The final word belongs to you :-)
In the end I decide to combine the first paragraph from the first version with the other parts from the second one. I think it came out better, but I'm concerned that it's not unique enough.
What do you think?
(265 words - need to cut down 15 more words)
Dear roommate,
We haven't been introduced yet, but be you a girl, a guy, a vegan, or even a Pastafarian who believes in the Flying Spaghetti Monster - know that we'll get along splendidly no matter what. Before becoming roommates, I would like to share a few important pieces of information about myself:
I live by the Iguana Rule (an alternative to the well-known Five Second Rule, citing that instead of waiting 5 seconds, you may only pick up a piece of food that fell on the ground if a live iguana had not stepped on it). I juggle and collect juggling paraphernalia (for example, I own over 100 different juggling balls), as well as coins (exactly 1647 coins, to date). My pet peeves are high heels and early mornings.
I cook with a passion and bake the meanest meat empanadas you will have ever tried, and love teaching how to make Shakshuka (a typical Israeli breakfast). I play Guitar Hero and love jamming with new people, and my three favorite topics to discuss at 2am are :
(1) Juggling Physics (or "Where the heck did that juggling ball hit me from?")
(2) Sweet Nostalgia (or "Remember that awesome cartoon with the mice that had abs and lived on mars? ")
(3) Ethical Dilemmas (or "If no one is watching and I drop a Dorito on the floor, should I still cite the Iguana Rule and pick it up?")
If you can put up with these few quirks of mine, I'm absolutely certain we're going to have a great time together as both roommates, and friends.
Yours,
Oriyan.
Oriyan, don't worry about your letter being unique. It just needs to contain the qualities and criteria that you are looking for in a roommate and how you would deal with them because the housing committee will use the letter to pair you up with a roommate. The ideas you have thrown in here will be used to find you a suitable roommate whom you hopefully, will be able to turn into a life long friend. Your roommate probably won't get to read the letter until he reports to the campus to move into the dorm. So don't worry about being unique in your letter.
This is not about the most creative roommate letter. This is all about making sure that you are paired up with the right roommate for the rest of the semester. Believe me, a roommate will either do one of two things for you. Either make your semester fly by quickly, or, make the semester seem like it is dragging on forever. So, the more information that you can provide to help them find you the best roommate possible, the better your chances of an unforgettable school semester :-)
Sorry for taking such a long time to reply, I was busy taking SAT Subject Tests, and started preparing for the TOEFL I'm taking a week from now..
Thank you for the answers, I think I have finally covered the essay... Narrowed it down to 250 words to the dot. I just need to make another pass at it and at my other essays to make sure there are no grammatical errors/typos nor tense issues, but most importantly - making sure they all fit together and paint a complete picture of me as a person.
