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life experiences, perspectives, talents, and commitments i will bring to the campus


answers: 2
Dec 12, 2010, 06:53pm   #1
The University of Wisconsin values an educational environment that provides all members of the campus community with opportunities to grow and develop intellectually, personally, culturally, and socially. In order to give us a more complete picture of you as an individual, please tell us about the particular life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring to our campus. In other words, how will your presence enrich our community?

For eighteen years now my family has influenced me to do my best in academics and extracurricular activities. Neither of my parents went to college and have always told my sister and I that they wished they would have gone to college and pursued their dream job. I followed in my sisters footsteps until I got into high school. Slowly I started making my own path and going a whole other path. I'm now in my senior year and what seems like I'm about to start high school all over, but harder and now with the umbilical cord cut.
I'd consider myself to be an optimistic person who sees the glass half full as opposed to half empty. I like being involved in activities because it keeps me active. I hate sitting at home and doing nothing. I think that more people should contribute their help to activities because people always need extra help. Just being a more involved person helps build your self-esteem and your working- with- people skills, and student organizations are a great way to do that. Another thing I think is important is volunteering. I've volunteered at nursing homes, animal shelters, and around the school and community. I get along with people well and think it's one of my strong points. My willingness and strong sense of caring have always helped family members, friends, and others with problems they encounter. This is what fascinates me so much about the health field.
My junior year of high school was my most challenging year. I took a lot of hard classes, got into many clubs and organizations, played sports, and had to juggle a job. My grades started to slip and made it hard for me to keep up with everything. I was promised myself I would get the grades I know I could get and would not fail any classes. I want my ambition and school skills to carry over to my college experience. I'm committed to getting good grades and graduating at the top of my class no matter how hard it is. I really want to remember my college experience as one of my best memories of my lifetime.
The skills I possess I make use of everyday. My attitude, enthusiasm, and great personality are my most contagious traits. Not only will others accumulate this traits, but the community around them will enrich itself.
I think that more people should contribute their help to activities because people always need extra help. Just being a more involved person helps build your self-esteem and your working- with- people skills, and student organizations are a great way to do that.

--okay, this part sounds a little preachy. Focus it on yourself, not what you think people should do. Eliminate the "I think", because it's your essay and it's ALL your thoughts, always.

I also think you could use some organisation. Start off with the story about your junior year. How you were so involved, took a lot of hard classes, things like that. Then tell the reader how you overcame this. Explain how you enjoy being involved, and like I said, cut out the "I thinks". Talk about volunteering and how it enriched your experience and how it GAVE you those skills that you mentioned. And then END with how you started off following your sister's path, but then carved your own, and at the middle of your senior year, you are completely ready for a new and exciting experience. Something like that.

Hope this helped! Btw, I applied to Wisconsin too, is this at Madison?



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