Hey guys, mind having a look at my essay? Trying to make ED for Cornell.
My desired major would be Applied Economics and Management with an accounting concentration.
Thank you! :D
College of Agriculture and Life Sciences: How have your interests and related experiences influenced the major you have selected in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences? (650 max)
As with most students nowadays, there come a time where we shall need to choose to specialize in a discipline which should potentially leads to our career choice. There is the convention that some may take the career after our parents in medicine, architecture or engineering. Then again there is an exception too, in my case, my father a property builder and my mum runs her own real estate firm but I took interest in neither.
I have always enjoyed physics, and it was evident in my scholastic results. However much I have tried, I could not perpetuate the interests in physics to a life long vocation. I have learnt to draw a distinction between passion and interest; I passed eighth grade in piano since I was sixteen but has decided that music should only be a pastime interest for me.
Parental and peers' pressure were aplenty in the months leading to the A-level and SAT results. I have crossed the closing date for most universities application then. Out of filial obligation, I submitted my application for medical courses to universities in the United Kingdom and Hong Kong but the content in the personal statements were sadly lacking in enthusiasm and commitment. I went through the chilling agony and hallowing despair of getting rejected each time the mail arrived; doubts about my ability began to mount mentally. I felt that I needed the space to re-think about my future so I decided to take a gap year which earned the ire of my parents.
Being in the company of many high achievers, I was worried that I would be relegated to the "under performed" category. Invariably the distance of some friendships grew wider as the inferiority crept in. I began to reach out to my school counselors to discuss the options available at tertiary level and sought out the advice of my teachers, family members along with doing adequate research on the internet. Taking a leaf from physics, I applied a methodological approach and gave rating to each of the key elements - degree courses, fees, requirement, career path, state and the university.
Besides talent and passion, employability was the cornerstone to my decision making process. I took a realistic broad view of the options that are available. I opted out of sciences and engineering as the field was too wide for me to pin-point a specialised field, but aimed to excel in a vocation that can and will be able to fit into multi-industries. Being a science based student, the importance of having a systematic procedure to perform a task was echoed throughout the various experiments I had carried out. This in short it should give me an edge in the social science faculty. I stumbled upon the thought of accountancy briefly when my father first proposed to me. Subsequently with a few close friends heading to Britain to study accounting and finance, the thought became a topic on my radar. I think I would enjoy that the opportunity to continue on with my education to be a professional accountant after I have graduated with my first degree. I found out that I could practise accounting across the globe; debit, credit and interpretation of financial data have a common denominator, it is almost a universal language. I then arranged to do a part time job at a auditor firm and it is then my interest is aroused and passion developed.
Coming from a closely knitted family, it would give me a great sense of accomplishment if I could physically and financially take care of my parents in their twilight years, just the way they have provided for theirs. Being able to pursue my desired major in the College of Agriculture and Life Science at Cornell University will definitely open gateways to many career opportunities and provide me the building blocks to achieve a life-long dream.
As with most students nowadays, there comes a time where we shall need to choose to specialize in a disciplinemust confront the choice of specialization that wouldwhich should potentially leads to our career choice. There is the convention that some may take the career after our parentsfilial children should follow their parents' footsteps, taking careers in medicine, architecture or engineering. Then again there is an exception too, in my case, my father a property builder and my mum runs her own real estate firm but I took interest in neither.However, I'm an exception from the norm; as my interests deviated far from my father and mother's careers in property and real estate.
I have always enjoyed physics, and it was evident in my scholastic results. However much I have tried, I could not perpetuate the interests in physics to a life long vocation. I have learnt to draw a distinction between passion and interest; I passed eighth grade in piano since I was sixteen but has decided that music should only be a pastime interest for me. I'm not sure what this line is for, because it adds no value apart from the fact that you are bragging about your achievements in physics and piano, without relevance to your choice in course
Parental and peers' pressure were aplenty in the months leading to the A-level and SAT results. I have crossed the closing date for most universities application then. Out of filial obligation, I submitted my application for medical courses to universities in the United Kingdom and Hong Kong but the content in the personal statements were sadly lacking in enthusiasm and commitment. I went through the chilling agony and hallowing despair of getting rejected each time the mail arrivedreceiving uncountable rejection letters ; doubts about my ability began to mount mentally.and doubts began to form I felt that I needed the space to re-think about my future so I decided to take a gap year which earned the ire of my parents. What did you discover from the gap year?
Being in the company of many high achievers, I was worried that I would be relegated to the "under performed" category. Invariably the distance of some friendships grew wider as the inferiority crept in. I began to reach out to my school counselors to discuss the options available at tertiary level and sought out the advice of my teachers, family members along with doing adequate research on the internet. Taking a leaf from physics, I applied a methodological approach and gave rating to each of the key elements - degree courses, fees, requirement, career path, state and the university.
Besides talent and passion, employability was the cornerstone to my decision making process. I took a realistic broad view of the options that are available. I opted out of sciences and engineering as the field was too wide for me to pin-point a specialised field, but aimed to excel in a vocation that can and will be able to fit into multi-industries. Being a science based student, the importance of having a systematic procedure to perform a task was echoed throughout the various experiments I had carried out. This in short it should give me an edge in the social science faculty. I stumbled upon the thought of accountancy briefly when my father first proposed to me. Subsequently with a few close friends heading to Britain to study accounting and finance, the thought became a topic on my radar. I think I would enjoy that the opportunity to continue on with my education to be a professional accountant after I have graduated with my first degree. I found out that I could practise accounting across the globe; debit, credit and interpretation of financial data have a common denominator, it is almost a universal language. I then arranged to do a part time job at a auditor firm and it is then my interest is aroused and passion developed.
Coming from a closely knitted family, it would give me a great sense of accomplishment if I could physically and financially take care of my parents in their twilight years, just the way they have provided for theirs. Being able to pursue my desired major in the College of Agriculture and Life Science at Cornell University will definitely open gateways to many career opportunities and provide me the building blocks to achieve a life-long dream.
Just a disclaimer: I'm probably your age, applying for the Fall semester too (though not for Cornell ED), so take my advice with a grain of salt. I can tell that you set very high standards for yourself and you've put in a lot of thought into this essay. Yung Ming, you have a good command of the language, with only slight grammatical errors, but what I feel is that your essay does not POP. Cornell is a very prestigious school, and I'm sure the course that you're applying to is highly competitive too. However, you will not stand out if you're taking this essay with such a methodical approach. Coming from an Asian background too, I know the familial pressures of getting a respectable college degree, good career and being a filial daughter, and I know you'd like to relay that, but the last three paragraphs made your essay dull. Sure, you have interests in accountancy because of the career viability and your interest in crunching numbers, but wouldn't you agree that any other college could give you just as solid a foundation in this field? Ask yourself, WHY CORNELL? Admissions officers of these top-notch schools look for inspired students, with passions that cannot be explained by rational steps. Make it less driven by peer pressure to not be an under-performer, and show how you will deviate from your parents career norms. Finally, try and show them in your essay why Cornell's your ED, what is so distinguished about this course, y'know, to make them feel good.
All the best!
Cheerio,
Lightjade (Jamie L)
If possible, please help me with my common app essay too! :)
Hi, thank you for your quick reply, wasn't expecting one that fast.
Wow, your reply, I am speechless, I am embarrassed for taking up so much of your time for a random person on the Internet.
Ah, I see, I had the impression that I should talk more about myself more so than the institution, I guess the opposite holds true.
I have revised the essay, but I am not sure if I am allowed to post here or not, just found this website yesterday, I am still not sure how its in-and-outs work.
If posting here is not possible, perhaps there is a PM feature for me to send my updated one to you?
I'll try to see what I can do in your essay, but with your current reply, I think to criticize your work might be above me.
Again, many thanks, I really am grateful for the lengthy response.
Cheers,
Yung Ming
edit: I forgot to mention that I wrote extensively about an internship I did during my gap year for my CA essay, so I don't think I should rehash that here. (I am actually only 4 months into my "gap year", and half of that time went to the internship and a bulk of the rest went to a job). Oh yeah, just to put this in, I am a guy.
Hi Yung Ming,
Thanks for your input in my thread! I think you can post up your revised edits on your thread too, at least that's what I see around here too. I'm a bit pressed for time though so I can't guarantee that I'll read it in full, considering how I have my A-levels round the corner. I'm sure many other talented people would be willing to help, just go answer some threads to advertise! I came to this website rather late in the game too, since I don't have much guidance from my school's end regarding uni applications. With regards to your reply, I think I can only say that you should strike a good balance. Try to show character and passion that's driven by YOU, and explain why Cornell is your best bet to actualize your dreams. I wouldn't say that you have to regurgitate all that the school has to offer, but enough to show why it is your first choice beyond its brand name. I'm taking this essay prompt as part of the school specific written supplement for Cornell, and with such a big word limit, there's enough space for self praise and school praise!
Also, if you've focused your CA essay on your internship, it wouldn't sound redundant if you expounded on the other aspects of your gap year. Beyond the work experience, why did it benefit your growth as a person? Was it an adventure that led you to Cornell? Things like that, and again it can't be technical. More personal and to the point about YOU.
Hope this helps,
Lightjade
P.S. - I said filial daughter because I'm a girl, so I'm sorry if it came across as mixing up your gender, but thanks for clearing it up! :P
