To be honest, there are many problems. grammatically and also the content
Your introduction about how you first learned about Lingnan University sounds like a TV commercial... your mother is obviously the advertiser.:) narrr...not so good
and the sun sinking down, it doens't really make sense. I know your trying to picture a sad feeling , but it kinda confuses people since your sentence is not so well constructed. Nice writing can be poetical, but still has to be clear stated.
I rewrote the sentence: My friends boarded one after another onto the plane heading for their future University's leaving me behind with a heart sinking like a sun at dusk.
I just came up with the idea that instead of seeing off your friend, why not see off the girl next building. just my idea. :)
LU has small class sizes enhancing teacher-student relationship, enriched campus life with students from diverse backgrounds. The integrated learning programme in campus will heighten my experience outside the classroom, excelling my interaction, organization and personal abilities. The university also helps its student develop analytical and critical thinking abilities through the service learning. The service learning will be a good way to deepen my leadership skills, intensify self-confidence and establish me as a well-rounded individual. In conclusion, studying in LU will give me a new perspective of life broadening my views and hereby allowing me to graduate as a trilingual, which I have always been looking forward to.
and this...This is way tooooo common. This fits for any University.
How is the enriched campus life? which activity are you mostly interested in? What integrated learning programs?what personal abilities? Almost all universities help student develop analytival and critical thinking abilities. There is no real content in your essay where the Admission Officers can learn about you. It lacks something sparkelling.
I don't want to be harsh ,but maybe you should rewrite it.