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'to be a leader in the colossal shark tank of the corporate world' - Texas A&M 2016 application


abbyjonesss 2 / 2  
Aug 16, 2015   #1
PROMPT: Considering your lifetime goals, discuss how your current and future academic and extra-curricular activities might help you achieve your goals.

When a child is young and they are prompted the question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" they naturally respond with answers like a doctor, a lawyer, a professional athlete, and the list goes on, yet none of them typically reply saying they want to be a leader. Whether it is in the colossal shark tank of the corporate world, or my small hometown community, I want to make a difference and a positive impact wherever I step. When people hear my name, I want them to think of me as someone who made this world a better place, and with my hard work and determination in my academics and extracurricular involvements, I am on the right track to my goal.

The entirety of my high school career has been filled with AP and dual credit classes, so I have come accustomed to the rigorous work it takes to achieve a goal. These classes have tested my ability to keep my mind on right track, and not slack off. By taking these classes, I have gained an outstanding amount of responsibility, which I think is of vital importance to have when you are on your way to success. I have learned to work with other people much more patiently than in the past, and I believe everyone needs to learn how to be a team player and not just a one-man show. My coursework has metamorphosed me into an incredibly intelligent, devoted, and painstaking young woman. Because of my hard work in my academics, I have been inducted into my school's chapter of the National Honor Society and the Spanish National Honor Society, and those honors prove how far I am willing to go to reach the top of the success mountain while never letting the goal out of my sight.

I am involved in countless extracurricular activities and clubs in my school. One that holds a special place in my heart is Interact. Interact is a branch off of Rotary, where anyone ages twelve through eighteen can come together as one and help make their community a better place. Whether we are cleaning up roadways, organizing a blood drive, or helping young children learn to read better at our local library, we are making sure that this town is making a step in a brighter future. We put forth hours a month helping our community grow and blossom into something amazing, not because we are asked to, but because we want to. Interact has helped me develop the leadership skills I didn't even know I had. Other than being a member of Interact, I am also the Captain of the Varsity Cheerleading Squad at my school. Being a cheerleader isn't about the cute uniforms and Friday nights, it's about being a part of something bigger than you. It's about showing love and support for your school and community, and I am honored to be the captain of the most spirited girls in my town. We aren't glued to the school, for we are spread about our community helping to get people involved and come together as one. Being involved in my school and community is the best choice I have ever made, not only because it fills my heart, but because it helps better the lives of the people around me, and that brings a gigantic smile upon my face.

When I enter college, I do not plan to slack off in my academics or extracurricular. I cannot wait to test my brain on the knowledge my professors have to offer me. I will definitely be going from a fish bowl to the Pacific Ocean considering the fact that my class obtains 131 students, while Texas A&M is home of over 58,000 of them. While I know my coursework will be far more difficult than what I am used to, that will not stop me from trying my hardest to reach my goal, yet if I get into a learning community where my classes are a bit smaller, which I am praying I do, I know I will have a better chance to become successful and make this world a better place to live in. I know I can do this; I just might need a little help. Now, just because I won't be involved in my small town as much anymore, doesn't mean I won't be involved in my new town! I can't begin to explain how excited I would be to get to work events like the Big Event if I am accepted to Texas A&M! Helping my small town was just a start, and I will be making a huge step in the right direction by volunteering more in college.

Being a leader is something that I am grateful of every day. If it weren't for my high school involvements and hard work, I would not be the young woman I am today. I know I am on the right path to helping my community grow as one and making this world a better place to live in. This world needs more positivity throughout its lands, and I am here to bring it!
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Aug 16, 2015   #2
Hello, I would like to help you with the first paragraph of your essay. When I read the first sentence, I noticed that the sentence is a run-on sentence. This can be easily changed.

The first sentence you want to change the word prompted to asked. Replace and the list goes on with etc. Start a new sentence with "Yet".

When you state "wherever I step" it sounds confusing because you name places such as a hometown. You should change this to " wherever I reside".

Change the beginning of this sentence to: "My entire high school career..." Also, change the word come to "become accustomed".

The next sentence you want to state:"... on the right track..."

I think you should end the paragraph with this correction:"...reach success and never lose sight of my goals."


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