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The land of opportunities; Berea Essay- Education+ Life experience Overview/ Plans


moon05 13 / 133 20  
Jan 10, 2013   #1
Prompt:
1. An overview of your educational and life experiences;
2. What you plan to do after completing your education;
3. Why you wish to return (or not return) to your home country;
4. Description of ways you have positively impacted your community.


Please do whatever you can do with it I just got a couple of hours before submitting it! Do not know of my intro, ending, body, anything! JUST HELP ME!!!

The land of opportunities, the dream land, the land of luxury and many more names are given by people to the United States. But for me it is a land of education and technology where brilliance is respected and education is given at the highest standard possible. Quality education being one of the highest priorities of mine, I have chosen USA for my higher studies and for that reason I believe that Berea is the place where I will be able improve myself from all aspects: leadership, studentship, sportsmanship and the last but not the least be a better human being.

I always dreamt about studying in USA. This is not a dream that just belongs to me; it also belongs to my parents. Most of the family of my father's side is well educated but if I look at the other one, my mother's, then I can see them barely completing high school and some not even that. So they look on to me as the person who will live all their dreams, achieve whatever they couldn't achieve. But still there has been always a great hindrance, money. This is the thing that has always prevented me, my family to get what we have wanted. Though they have always tried their best they could never get me admitted in an English Medium school, the school that is yet a better solution among all the worse situations of education prevailing in Bangladesh. But I never complain and I never will. Despite this financial setback they never failed to fulfill my wishes. Now they want to see me get educated and live the life I wish. They want me to live all the happy moments they never could. Because of all these expectation from all these people including my parents I want to take the big step of getting educated from Berea, an institution that will make me a great example for my nation to want to be.

I got to know about the undergraduate programs accessible for me at USA quite a while back. I even got to know about an exchange program for high school stud
manjot 2 / 30  
Jan 10, 2013   #2
Okay, do you have to give the answers separately ? or in a big paragraph. Also, you can begin by saying that your home country does not have so many opportunities. Include plans or ideas about what you do with your education .
OP moon05 13 / 133 20  
Jan 10, 2013   #3
Well they have said to write it in 2-3 pages! So I guess 2 pages is a lower limit here!
Can you see if the sentence structures are correct? I mean any type of mistakes in the essay?
manjot 2 / 30  
Jan 10, 2013   #4
Quality education being one of the highest priorities of mine,

As receiving a quality education is my highest priority,

But for me it is a land of education and technology where brilliance is respected and education is given at the highest standard possible.

Do not start the sentence with but,

and education is of high standards
OP moon05 13 / 133 20  
Jan 10, 2013   #5
I think I didn't paste here the whole essay!!!

The land of opportunities, the dream land, the land of luxury and many more names are given by people to the United States. But for me it is a land of education and technology where intelligence is respected and education is given at the highest standard possible. Quality education being one of the highest priorities of mine, I have chosen USA for my higher studies and for that reason I believe that Berea is the place where I will be able improve myself from all aspects including leadership, studentship, sportsmanship and most importantly to be a better human being.

I always dreamt about studying in USA. This is not a dream that just belongs to me; it also belongs to my parents. Most of the family of my father's side is well educated but if I look at the other one, my mother's, then I can see them barely completing high school and some not even that. So they look on to me as the person who will live all their dreams, achieve all that they couldn't. But there has been always a great hindrance, money. This is the thing that has always prevented me, my family to get what we have wanted. Though they have always tried their best they could never get me admitted in an English Medium school, the school that is yet a better solution among the education prevailing in Bangladesh. Yet I never complain and I never will. Despite this financial setback they never failed to fulfill my wishes. Now they want to see me get educated and live the life I wish. They want me to live all the happy moments they never could. Because of all these expectation from all these people including my parents I want to take the big step of getting educated from Berea, an institution that will make me a great example for my nation to want to be.

I got to know about the undergraduate programs accessible for me at USA quite a while back. I even got to know about an exchange program for high school students but I just never went deep for that information. Gradually as I learned more about undergraduate studies and that the institutions also provide financial aid I began to look for information wherever I could. My search went on only through the internet, till I found out about EducationUSA an organization under the US government that helps students, with most updated and accurate information on higher studies in the USA. After going there I found out that I no longer had time for the exchange program and I just had to focus on the opportunities that were left for me- Undergraduate Studies.

Why I want to join Berea?

First of all Berea is an institution that is totally exceptional compared to the ones in my country and as a result has the level of education unimaginable for one living in Bangladesh. As my main intention is to learn, I looked for all the advantages I have in Berea, and as far as I saw there are only advantages for me: everywhere. I will be able to learn in a classroom averaging ten-twelve students, the opportunity I never had in my school and is unthinkable in the universities here. I will be able to talk with the professors and solve problems whenever possible and will be able to get onto class discussions as much as possible. With the help of the experienced professors there, my dread for Chemistry will at last get to an end!

The community I will get at Berea is perfect for me to flourish my volunteer and leadership skills. I have organized many fundraising programs to collect money, to collect clothes and food for the poor children living in the streets and the slum. As illiteracy is a big setback in Bangladesh for development I have organized some education programs through the organization called Bondhushava in the rural areas. I have also taken on projects while in 9th grade to educate the slum children living nearby my previous school. I teach Science and Math at a nearby orphanage, 8 hours a week. I have managed to enroll some of the bright ones to my previous school with scholarship, as they couldn't afford the tuition. So, I will try to get involved with the children organizations there. Other than that I will also get a host family at Berea, which will be a new and hopefully great experience for me.

I also have to mention the generosity of Berea. But I am very lucky that with the guidelines of my adviser at the EducationUSA I found out about Berea. Berea will not let financial situations come between me and my higher studies and that is the kind of opportunity I need right now, to get a step closer to my goal and dream more.

I do plan to return to my country after completion of my Bachelors, but that would be only for a short visit. I plan on getting graduated in Engineering through the Dual Degree program or a Masters, back in the US. Then wish to be heading off to get a PhD in the field of Physics, the one that I would be greatly engrossed in while doing my Bachelors. As I intend to be a researcher I will try my best to get into a University and sharpen my research skills by being a research faculty. My country doesn't have enough research facilities for me to be a great researcher. But again I do plan to share my knowledge with my fellow Bangladeshi's while I will be visiting my country, maybe through teaching at Universities.

These are almost all of the reasons for which I want to apply all my energy, enthusiasm and experience in Berea College and get a word class education, not just for me but for all who have put faith in me.
dpmg945 - / 19 3  
Jan 10, 2013   #6
The land of opportunities, the dream land, the land of luxury are just some of the names used to depict the United States. or something like that rephrase the end of the sentence

NEVERR start I sentence with but , rephrase the sentence

"Being quality education one of my main priorities..."

"Berea is the place where I will be able to improve my traits such as leadership, studentship, sportsmanship, all these contributing to being a better human being."

"I always dreamt about studying in USA. This is not just my dream, but also that of my parents."

"Unlike my father's side of the family, my mother's relatives are uneducated, some of them have barely completed high school and others have not even been able to reach such level of education."

" It is because of this that my family looks on to me as the person who will live up to their dreams, achieving all that they couldn't."

"But there has been always a great hindrance, money. This is the thing that has always prevented me, my family to get what we have wanted." Once again never start a sentence with but.

"Yet I have never complained and I never will"

"Despite this financial setback they have never failed to fulfill my wishes."

"Because of all these expectation from all these people including my parents I want to take the big step of getting educated at Berea" you can't start a sentence with because.

"I got to know about the undergraduate programs accessible for me at USA quite a while ago."

"My search went on only through the internet, till I found out about EducationUSA an organization which works under the US government which helps students, with the most updated and accurate information on higher studies in the USA."

"Why do I wish to be part of Berea? "

"As my main intention is to learn, I looked for all the advantages I have in Berea, and as far as I saw there are only advantages for me: everywhere." Rephrase

"The community I will get to be part at Berea will be perfect for me to flourish my volunteer and leadership skills."

But I am very lucky that with the guidelines of my adviser at the EducationUSA I found out about Berea. Again the same issue with starting sentences with but.

'I do plan to return to my country after the completion of my Bachelors, but that would be only for a short visit. "I plan on graduating in Engineering through the Dual Degree program or a Masters, back in the US."

Then wish to be head off to get a PhD in the field of Physics, the one that I would be greatly engrossed in while doing my Bachelors. The end of this sentence is confusing.

Overall I've gone over some of the grammar issues they are several verb tenses make sure to use the same tense throughout the whole essay. Some of the sentences should be rephrased I understand what you are trying to say, but they are not correctly written down. You should try to be more specific about why you want to go to Berea for example mention one of their courses and what seems appealing about it , or a research project that's well known at that college something like that. Still basically I just wrote down some suggestions you can still make some of the changes in the things I previously mentioned. Also don't use contractions I forgot to change that instead of writing couldn't write "could not".


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