So this is my common app essay so far. Feel free to critique it heavily,as the schools im applying to are really selective. Thanks!
Essay:
I can run a 5k without collapsing on the ground, and reenact scenes from various movies from memory. I can solve Rubik's cube within a few minutes and win almost any limbo competition that I throw myself into. I can be so absorbed in an enticing novel that I read without moving for hours on end, lost in a separate reality. I can speak several different languages with an obvious accent, master every level of guitar hero, and make genetic crosses between different plant species. But when it comes to cooking, I am far from skilled.
To the disappointment of my traditional parents, cooking has never been one of my predisposed talents. "What will you do when you're married?" my mother typically asks when I leave the house with my uninspired lunch of fruit and some sort of sandwich, thrown together in my usual morning haste. Used to these kinds of questions I simply laugh and joke that I will live off of frozen foods and whatever else I can find, while she stands gaping at me with a look of amused bafflement as I walk out the door.
For me, cooking is a catastrophe. "How difficult can it be?" I initially think to myself, but once I attempt to cook I soon realize how dreadfully mistaken I was. My kitchen emerges with splatters everywhere and an indistinguishable food concoction as a result--looking more like the scene of a crime than a place that harbors artistic innovations. While the meticulous measurements in performing chemistry or biology lab may come easily to me, measurements as "simple" as those in making a cake are impossible to get right.
Coming from an African background where women lead the roles as typical housewives and have arranged marriages, my lack of cooking skill is as astounding to my parents as would be my having magical powers; things like that simply do not occur.
But on the contrary, I am proud of my inability to cook. While some may look down upon it, my distaste for cooking is an integral part of my personality. I break the typical Eritrean stereotype, and am unique for it. Defying the stereotype allows me expand my goals and aspirations and become my own person. It allows me to have more options than I would have in the pre-determined mold for my life. It gives me the opportunity to take risks and have control over my own future.
Though I love and embrace my culture, there are parts of it that will never fit into my personality, which makes me unique. While I cannot cook I can do so much more, helping me to better appreciate my strengths and weaknesses and appreciate my unique qualities. Being unable to cook contributes to who I am; a unique individual like the shape of a falling snowflake on a crisp winter morning.
I really like this! it's unique, and you manage to twist a seemingly unimportant thing into something meaningful that reflects your personality.
I love the introduction. It keeps the reader on the essay.
thanks! is there anything i should change to make it better?
I can solve a Rubik's cube within a few minutes and win almost any limbo competition that I throw myself into.
Used to these kinds of questions, I simply laugh and joke that I will live off of frozen foods and whatever else I can find,...
...--looking more like the scene of a crime than a place that harbors artistic innovations.---This is so funny! You're an excellent writer!
While I cannot cook, I can do so much more, helping me to better appreciate my strengths and weaknesses and appreciate my unique qualities.
This is great, I really like the way you write. Your essay is personal and funny, showing your good nature and unique personality. Good luck in school and have fun!
:)
This is pretty minor, but the last sentence:
"....a unique individual like the shape of a falling snowflake on a crisp winter morning."
The snowflake analogy, for me, is a little disconnected from the rest of the piece. Maybe compare it something more relatable to your personality/life? Like, connect it back to a unique pattern in the Rubik's cube or something science related? Just a suggestion!
But otherwise, I think the topic is very unique and the essay as a whole is well-written. Good luck! (:
The introduction is very skillfully done. It shines light on some of your commendable accomplishments without seeming arrogant or as if you were boasting. You pick a fairly simple topic, "cooking", but your interpretation of it is extraordinary and that's what makes it all the much better. Not only does it reflect great mastery of the English language, but creativity on your part. This is exactly what selective schools would be looking for! In terms of grammar, I think EF_Susan hit it all. Good luck!
