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Krushi- The Inspiration to Inspire - Common App Essay- Topic 1


sreekar 4 / 4  
Oct 5, 2008   #1
Hi. I wrote an essay responding to topic 1 of the Common Application:
"1.Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you." *I evaluated an experience.

Here it is:

Krushi- The Inspiration to Inspire

I had always thought that the most significant experience of my life would always be my journey from India to the United States at the age of eight. I was under the impression that nothing else that could occur in my life could ever force me to open my eyes and witness a whole new world. This was until last summer, when I spent one week at an orphanage in India. Never before had the course of five days ever affected me so much. I met about one hundred boys, aged 4 to 18, all with stories of their own. I never imagined that while learning so much about others' lives, I would actually learn more about myself.

The orphanage was called "Krushi," a word in my native language of Telugu meaning success. The objectives of the directors of the home were to help young boys that were lost in society and find a place in society. India is a rapidly developing nation, with the rift between the successful and the impoverished widening every day. The injustice of the caste system is still prevalent today, making it extremely difficult for people born into lower social classes to move up in rank on their own. The Krushi Home provides young boys off the road and gives them a home, a family, and an opportunity to succeed in the world. A lost soul can be set back on track if given hope, and that is precisely what this home does. It provides hope for these boys, and gives them a chance to aspire and accomplish their dreams. One day, when most of the boys were off at school, I spent time with the youngest member of the home, Raju, who was only three years old and therefore too young for school. When I asked if he wanted to go to school, he told me (in Telugu of course) that he did, so he could be smart and rich and take care of his mother and sister. Imagine, a three year old saying he wants to achieve success so he can help his family. The thought of a toddler thinking about is life goals and not about toys completely seemed so novel to me.

In my five days at the Krushi home, I taught the children chess and computers and helped them with their homework. I did not realize that they would help me just as much as I helped them. As soon as I set foot into the home, I was greeted by utmost respect and courtesy, a kind that I had never seen anywhere. Most of these kids did not have families before arriving at Krushi, and they value the presence of all of their peers so much that whenever an outsider comes to the home, he is showered with friendship and attention. For example, the boys play cricket for about an hour every day after coming back from school. When they distributed the teams, I was picked first every day, even tough I was probably the worst player there. They gave me so much admiration and joy that even though my stay at the home lasted on week, it will stay with me for years.

On one of my days at Krushi, a five year old boy, Satish, was drawing lines in the dirt outside in the cricket field. I taught him how to write his name with the stick and he spent the rest of his time outside running round and writing and sketching his name everywhere. This filled me with a type of satisfaction that I rarely ever feel. I realized that helping others, especially those less fortunate than me, is one of the best things I have ever done. Inspiration gives way to aspiration. Strong aspiration gives way to success and one's success sprouts inspiration in another. After my stay at Krushi, I have learned how important it is to help and inspire others, and in turn their success would inspire more people. In order to motivate others to succeed, I must first achieve success. I am proud to say that my stay at the Krushi home has opened my eyes and inspired me and now I must do my part in continuing the cycle.
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Oct 5, 2008   #2
The orphanage was called "Krushi," a word in my native language of Telugu meaning " success."

When I asked him if he wanted to go to school, he told me (in Telugu of course) that he did, so he could get smart and rich and take care of his mother and sister.

The thought of a toddler thinking about is life goals and not about toys completely seemed so novel("Novel" means unimportant; is that what you meant?) to me.

As soon as I set foot into the home, I was greeted with utmost respect and courtesy, a kind that I had never seen anywhere.

Strong aspiration gives way to success, a nd one's success sprouts inspiration in another.

Great job. You have a great story, and I think the word count is just fine. It doesn't ramble or get off course, so I think you'll be OK.
OP sreekar 4 / 4  
Oct 5, 2008   #3
Hello,

Thanks a lot for your input. Other than grammar and syntax, what do you think of my essay as a whole? Is it convincing and unique? Or does it seem like I'm "bs"ing it, beacause trust me, this experience really did have a huge impact on me. Also, do I respond to the prompt well? I mean like if you were a college admissions person would you toss it onto the pile of regular essays or would it make you give my profile another look?

Thanks once again.

Oh yeah, novel also means new or original doesn't it?

--Sreekar.
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Oct 6, 2008   #4
Good morning.

It does, but it seemed to me in the context you have placed it to be somewhat contradictory, and almost comes across as sarcasm. I found it to be a bit confusing. Perhaps using another adjective would smooth this over.

I think the subject content on its own would warrant your essay a second look. It is unusual, and you speak with such a strong voice that I believe it will stand out. It does answer the prompt, and this is illustrated strongly during the end where you speak of inspiration.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
OP sreekar 4 / 4  
Oct 6, 2008   #5
Hello,

Thank you very much. I understand now what you mean about my use of the word "novel." I will change it, most likely to "...seemed so bizarre."

Thank you so much for all the help and the very supportive and encouraging analysis.

--Sreekar.
OP sreekar 4 / 4  
Oct 7, 2008   #6
Hello again. Bizarre isn't right either. I think I will say "...seemed so different."
Also, my dad isn't too convinced of the title, but I think it is unique and stands out. What do you think?

Thank you.
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Oct 7, 2008   #7
You could also say "...seemed so outlandish" or "...seemed so unreal."

I like the title; it fits with the content of your essay, and gives a hint of the circular pattern you describe in your essay. If you like it, keep it.
OP sreekar 4 / 4  
Oct 7, 2008   #8
Hello,

I like, "...seemed so unreal." That's probably the most apt word. And I think I will keep the title.

Once again, thanks a lot for all your help!

--Sreekar.


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