have to delete a lot of things
That's okay, less is more!
Life
always contains moments that can
fully change one's
life experience forever. ---do not use "life" 2 times awkwardly.
I cut that information right out of the essay. The reader does not need to know the name of Kon Tum. Also, I think you should delete the whole first paragraph and begin the essay like this:
The first one My first life-changing experience was
the time I spent in Kon Tum, a remote province in the west highland of Viet Nam. as a participant in the campaign organized by the Red Cross Group of District Phu Nhuan in Ho Chi Minh City with the aim of fiving a free health check to impoverished people in Kon Tum, I was mainly assigned to help other members in the group to distribute medicine to the local.
I am happy to have you participating in this forum! Thanks for the work you have been doing. :-)