With keen interest in creativity and designer arts, I am a person with varied interests and talents

With keen interest in creativity and designer arts, I am a person with varied interests and talents. Throughout my years in school and college, I have been an active participant in debates, quizzes, elocutions. I actively participated in cultural activities like dance & sports at school. Also worked on science and arts project during my academic career and was comfortable working individually and in a team.

I grew up watching my Mother sewing and making clothes for our family. That made me learn that fashion is not only present in the expensive clothing but also in every piece of cloth that we look at. Her talent has since, endorsed my love for clothing and design towards which I was more interested. I feel that my personality fits well in to this field as I have meticulous side and would rather say myself as a very organized person. My interest is not only limited to Fashion designing, but also extends to drawing, cooking, jewelry, photography and crafts. I have natural inclination to arts, colors and creativity.

Being from India, Fashion Designing was never considered as a worthy career among my family and always wanted me to pursue other majors like engineering, medicine that have more career opportunities. After finishing my graduation in Computer Science and Engineering, though I started looking for jobs in Information Technology industry, my heart and mind was always looked for a career opportunity in fashion world. During my days at college, with the exposure to print media, I was very inspired by Indian fashion designers like Manish Malhothra, Ritu Beri, Sabyasachi. I started collecting magazines, designs, patterns to keep my interest and love for Fashion Designing alive.

When I got married I felt like I am the luckiest as my husband expressed his interest into fashion and photography. During my flight to Los Angles (LA) in 2008, I was dreaming with excitement about my future as a designer showcasing my creative work and talent. When I visited Rodeo drive in LA, I see everything was surrounded by fashion and for the first time, I realized that this is going to be my world and am in the right place at the right time. However, I also realized that nothing would come without my effort and hard work. I was thrilled by those three short blocks which constitute the one of the most famous shopping district in America, and probably the most expensive too. It is here that the rich & celebrities do their shopping, and where people like me window-shop while trying to spot movie stars on the Magical street. The most celebrated clothing designers in the world like Armani, Gucci, Christian Dior and Coco Chanel have boutiques here.

I read about few fashion designers and their inspirational success stories. When I went to India on vacation I crash course on Fashion Designing. Now that I've actually started learning how these things work and getting hands on experience, I have become more knowledgeable and even able to convince my family to consider a career in Fashion Technology.

I happened to hear about FIT from one of my closest relatives. She told me what a wonderful university it was and the faculty and facilities offered. From the day that I heard about FIT and started my research to find out the best institute for my course, I knew that this is where I wanted to study and transform my dreams into reality as it stood out as the winner for me. I believe that a bachelor's degree in Fashion Designing from FIT will allow me to achieve more opportunities and to get an incredible career in the fashion industry than any other college and moved from LA to NJ.

What I can offer to FIT is my dedication, hard work originality and creativity. If am not exaggerating, I strongly believe that I am very talented in learning new things, particularly arts, just from the first demonstration. I would like to work on creative, challenging projects which bring out the best in me. I am a determined individual that can take the skills I learn and manifest them on a bigger dais with my creative touch to it. With the help of FIT, I believe I can fulfill my dream of becoming a successful fashion designer. If I get accepted into FIT, it would be great opportunity to me as a student and would continue to get a BFA in fashion design.

This part is not persuasive. Every time you include a sentence that is not persuasive, or at least entertaining, you lose some credibility with the reader. You'll lose some of the reader's interest.

Your writing style is great, and you know how to put together excellent sentences. There is a strong possibility that your current challenge is to find the sentences that are not persuasive or useful. You have excellent mastery of language and you know how to write, but do you know how to un-write? Those of us who are good at writing sometimes write too much and fail to edit out the parts that are not so good.

Don't capitalize the word mother when you're using it as a common noun.

I think the whole first paragraph should be replaced. When you say keen interest, that is a bit of a cliché. That first paragraph is comprised mostly of unsubstantiated claims and facts about yourself that really do not show what is interesting about you. The reader is only able to consider and remember one idea at a time. What is the single idea that you want the reader to remember? Give that idea in the first paragraph.

Let's keep the same verb tense here:When I got married I felt like I am was the luckiest as my ...

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