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Why are you intrested in English? - Rice Supplement Essay


Benn_Myers 8 / 46  
Nov 24, 2010   #1
The following is my answer to the Rice Supplement Prompt:
With the understanding that the choice of academic school you indicated is not binding, explain why you are applying to that particular school of study.

I'm interested in studying English, and here's my essay. I'm not really sure what they look for in a short answer, so any feedback is appreciated.

It started in second grade, and, like most good things, it came to me in the form of a hippo-head handout.
Underneath the bright paper eyes of my yellow hippo there were pages and pages filled with clumsy handwriting. It was a journal of sorts, our teacher had handed them out and instructed us to write in them everyday. Not about anything in particular, just to write. My work was clumsy, I didn't really understand the concept of a sentence (I thought you put one every ten words) and my commas were arbitrarily thrown into the mix, more errant pencil marks then true pacing or punctuation.

Despite this myriad of errors when I first received my hippo back I received the comment, "Benn, you have a very strong voice! You have real talent, you should come talk to me sometime!" This comment struck something in me, a loose spark caught fire, and I suddenly wanted to be a writer.

Since then I've grown to love writing, I've improved vastly, I now understand sentences and on occasion commas, I can use semi-colons fluently and am even capable of making conscious stylistic decisions in my fictional work. This is farther then I ever though I would be, and so short of where I want to go. Every time I write I reach the top of a hill, survey the area around me, and realize I still have mountains to climb.

And I love it.
Its something to work on, its a constant pursuit which characterizes and defines me. Despite moments of mad frustration, despite mountains of torn up pages, and the despair which accompanies a thousand deleted pages I won't stop writing. Because every precisely placed word, every flowing and powerful sentence, and every cohesive paragraph fills me with pride and joy. I want to master English because I'm a writer, its who I am, and even if I never publish anything that is never going to change.
rhaynesherway 2 / 3  
Nov 25, 2010   #2
Nice essay :)
But I notice a few errors in punctuation. If you're going to claim to understand commas, then they should at least be correctly placed in your essay.

I think you have the basic idea of what a college is looking for here. Just tidy it up a bit. Good luck!
OP Benn_Myers 8 / 46  
Nov 25, 2010   #3
Thank you very much for your feedback, its extremely helpful and I've used just about all of it.
I've realized in the course of the application process that its sort of... dangerous to write about wanting to be a writer, because then every error you make becomes compounded in its significance and gravity, so I really appreciate the help.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 26, 2010   #4
dangerous to write about wanting to be a writer,

Hi Benjamin. Thanks for all the help you have been giving at EssayForum!

I wanted to mention that the error is not in specifying that you want to be a writer. It is in the fact that saying you want to be a writer is unnecessarily vague.

Similarly, I think saying you want to be a physician is vague, because if you have given it serious thought you will have several areas of specialization in mind.

Saying you want to be a psychologist is another example, because you can always specify goals that reflect thoughtful consideration.

So... being a writer is not something specific. You can be a writer-attorney, a writer-politician, a writer-comedian, a ghostwriter, a guy who corrects essays, etc. :-) Know what I mean?

Consult Strunk and White, and you'll see that this sentence is better without that last comma:
It started in second grade, and, like most good things (no comma necessary) it came to me in the form of a hippo-head handout.---brilliant

I challenge you to set up a free account at Elance, and take some of the quizzes so that people can see what you are good at. If you try Elance and it teaches you a lot, I'll take all the credit for suggesting it! :-)

This part could be more efficient, and that would make it more poignant, and it is also true that some people would mistake it for a run on sentence even though it is actually okay-----> ...because I'm a writer, its who I am, and even if I never publish anything that is never going to change.

Also, please spend some time reading about how the profession of a writer is changing. Technically, you just published something when you hit "submit" on this web forum.

Go make yourself a blog! Do you blog? I'm glad you joined EssayForum.


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