Note: Instead of stylistic, I'm opting for a really realistic approach here so tell me if I need to be more stylistic instead.
In an essay of 300 words or less, explain your motivation to transfer from your current/previous institution to Illinois and how your academic interests and/or professional goals will be fulfilled in your intended program of study.
When I first came to US, I was like a fish out of water: somewhat unsure of my future goals and miles away from home. But with time, by adapting to new learning environments, by making friends with whom I could never find back home and through experiencing a different culture while at the same time teaching others about my own, I came through. The first semester of being an ECE major was definitely tough, but it was what made me want to do ECE-I went from knowing little about my own major to having a clear goal of which technical core I want to specialize in, what jobs I wish to go into and a definite plan of the road ahead of me.
However, living in Austin is beyond my financial means. The allowance that my sponsor gives me monthly would not cover the expensive living costs. Plus, with the recent oil crisis, the exchange rate from Malaysian Ringgit to USD has increased dramatically and I don't want to burden my parents. It is simply more practical to pursue my education elsewhere.
By transferring to UIUC, I stand to gain more than I already am here in UT. The countless opportunities in the reputable ECE School will undoubtedly provide for my ambition to further delve into software development. Looking through UIUC's ECE curriculum, I see some parallels with my education now and thus, I wouldn't find it hard to keep up to UIUC's learning pace. I could already see myself volunteering under WECE, getting into undergraduate research through the PURE program and minoring in CS or even Psychology at UIUC. UT Austin has been a good start to my education but I believe it is in UIUC where I will truly grow and flourish.
You have selected a second choice major. Please explain your interest in this major.
UT never had an official 'Computer Engineering' degree in its curriculum, except for some implication of branching into 'Computer Engineering' if you choose one of the two technical cores under CE out of the total of ten EE and CE technical cores when you enter junior year. However, you're still officially an EE major. Thus, I had a taste of both EE and CE as an EE major from the very first semester where I had been exposed to some introductory circuit analysis and had some exposure to computer architecture under the Intro to EE and Intro to Computing courses. I even went to several talks about the technical cores of both majors and developed an interest in both of them. At first I had actually thought of venturing into the Power technical core before settling for Software under CE. Therefore, remaining an EE major as a transfer in UIUC is definitely another option that I would consider.
Changed the first essay. Really need a review on this vs the old one please.
Picture me-sitting on the streets of Paris, my hands diligently brushing color onto a white sheet of paper.
A few years ago, this is the future I envisioned myself in. Art was my passion and at that time, it was what I wanted to do.
Instead, I found myself looking through lines of assembly code in computing and repetitious math when dealing with circuit analysis. Who knew that I would end up being an ECE major, straying so far from art? This was a future I had never imagined. And yet, despite going through all the difficulty, I relished the experience of being in ECE. I went from knowing little about my major to having a clear goal of which technical core I want to specialize in, what jobs to target and a definite plan of the road ahead of me.
I had learned that you don't always want what you love and sometimes you love what you've thought of never wanting. Change is unpredictable and when it happens, it happens out of necessity. And now, I truly believe that UIUC is a change that I need. By transferring to UIUC, I stand to gain more than I already am here in UT. The countless opportunities in the reputable ECE School will undoubtedly provide for my ambition to further delve into software development. Looking through UIUC's ECE curriculum, I see some parallels with my education now and thus, I wouldn't find it hard to keep up to UIUC's learning pace. I could already see myself volunteering under WECE, getting into undergraduate research through the PURE program and minoring in CS or even Psychology at UIUC. UT Austin has been a good start to my education but I believe it is in UIUC where I will truly grow and flourish.
The first essay was too direct and in your face in approach. It covered topics and reasons that are not of interest to the admissions officers. It was really not a very good essay to begin with. I am really glad that you came to your senses and revised the essay to a more acceptable essay that does not make you sound like you are begging for money or a scholarship. The second essay really works best for your interests because the essay is more polite in nature, educated in manner, and informative to the proper degree. I really recommend that you use the second essay instead. I believe it will serve your purpose better than the first.
