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"The influence my father has had in my life" - Texas common application topic A


jas2011 3 / 5  
Nov 2, 2010   #1
Growing up I did not have a father figure, it was up to my mom to take on the roles of being a mother and a father. My life was always full of "what if my father..." I always wondered what he might be doing. Growing up, my brothers' and I did not see my father as much as we would have liked; he lived in Chicago, and we lived in Austin.

When we finally had the courage to look for my father and see how he was doing, my sister and I sat down and started looking in the internet phone books for his name or something that would tell us where he might be. We did not find much information so we decided to try my uncle's name. We started looking for the name of my uncle knowing that my grandma would be there and could give us a number, where we could find our father. There were a lot of Thomas Arroyo's but with the help of my mom we narrow it down to about five persons. My mom remember around where my uncle lived and we tried calling the number closes to that address. I took the phone and called the number when someone answer I ask for my grandma and she said "si soy yo"; feeling excited and nervous I told her who was calling. My grandma started crying and said thank god I get to hear your voice again. When my grandma gave the message to my father he called us within the next couple of days. Next thing you know my sister and I were on the next airplane to Chicago.

I always thought that my father did not care much for us "I wish you did not have my blood!" I had those words stuck in my head, the same words he told my sister when he left from the visit that turned into a disaster. This was the only memory that was left from that visit, the visit that turned into eight years of me wondering why he had said that, and if he really meant it.

On Christmas Eve, my sister and I went to the church with my father and some friends. This was the moment that changed my life, my view towards my father. "Does anyone else want to give thanks this night?" the priest asked. "I do", said my father. As he stood up, I could feel all the eyes in the room looking towards us. He started out saying that he was so overjoyed that we were with him. As he went on, I could see the tears of joy running down his checks. At a point he burst into tears and could not even speak. There I was sitting next to my father not knowing what to do or say. I reached out to grab his hand; he squeezed my hand and continued talking. These made me realized that he did in fact love us after all. We were his children and he was our father. This was an eye opener for me. I needed to forgive him, maybe not forget the harsh moments I went through, but forgive my father. As well as, trying to get to know him, and gain back those lost years of father and daughter. Even now, I still need more time to forget and get my mind straight.

My father impacted my life more than what I thought he ever would. Despite of all the things that have happen, he is still my father and I still care for him. I cannot say I love him yet, but hopefully, that day will come. As our relationship grows I will be able to hug him and say "I love you Dad."

This is my essay for the Texas common application any help will be appreciated.

The prompt is- Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

I'm not sure if it answers the prompt and if is good in length.
The word-count is 632.

Do I need to include a tittle when submitting the essay?
dietcoke - / 1  
Nov 2, 2010   #2
I think that it's a good story, but it didn't really show why your dad's important to you or the impact his declaration of love had on you. I'd revise it by adding more details as to why he was important to you or had a greater impact on you and cutting a lot of the "how you found your father".

I think that the essay has a good word count.

You don't have to include a title, but it does help bring attention to your paper.
gomoksh 5 / 13  
Nov 4, 2010   #3
its a touching essay...but i guess it somehow does not completely describe your father's influence on you...rather focussing more on the kind of relationship you both share...consider revising...all the best
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 12, 2010   #4
Add a comma, and capitalize that W:
My life was always full of, "W hat if my father..." I always wondered what he might be doing. Growing up, my brothers' and I did...

When you put two sentences together as a compound sentence, use a comma:
We were his children, and he was our father.

Use a hyphen: This was an eye-opener for me.

:-)

You wrote this very well! And the topic is so powerful that I think the reader will involuntarily love it no matter what!


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