Industrious and determination ;U MARYLAND- Parts that add up to the sum of ME

1. "The whole is greater than the sum of its parts." - Aristotle
Essay Prompt: The intellectual, social and cultural differences embraced by the University of Maryland are integral to the fabric of our community. The strength of the University is realized through the contributions of every member of our campus. We understand each individual is a result of his/her personal background and experiences. Describe the parts that add up to the sum of you.

I've learned that the only time the word success comes before work is in the dictionary. Hard work is a central part of my philosophy towards success which is why I have taken advanced placement courses throughout high school to challenge myself as well as to prepare for college. I gained the ability to work hard and endure challenges through my involvement in sports, extracurricular activities, and church service. Progress reports and student awards reflect my hard work in school especially this year; I am enrolled in four advanced placement classes and three honors classes.

Industrious and determination are two words that best describe my personality. I come from a family that neither values nor recognizes the worth of an education; growing up without any educational support has affected my performance in the classroom but I have been able to overcome my academic challenges with the help of school mentors and counselors. These past four years of high school impacted my personality and shaped the person I am today; responsible, intelligent, and an overall happy young man. I am eager to attend college and obtain a higher education to live a purposeful life and set a positive example for the younger members in my family. I am confident that my hard work and experience will allow me to be a successful and positive contributor in society.

Right now I'm at 299 words. If you see anything that may seem unnecessary or irrelevant to the essay please do not refrain from expressing your ideas and comments. Any feed back would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! And I will certainly help you with your essays.

First off, I really like how you started this essay with this. I thought that it was unique when you opened your essay. Just make sure you avoid contractions.


How many words does your essay have to be? If it needs to be longer then I would suggest giving examples. It helps to be specific when you have to answer these types of prompts. Give specific examples of how your involvement shows that hard work is part of your philosophy. Also, the school would know through your transcripts that you are taking advanced classes, so there is no need to include that.