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I'm independent, persevering, enthusiastic and abiding goals type of person


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I Picture that if somebody asks the people who know me best they will describe me as an independent, persevering, enthusiastic and abiding goals type of person. In other words distinctive or unique.

I don't believe in giving up, but I do believe on getting up and overcoming all obstacles and reaching my goals and dreams. This is why I believe that my person will contribute or cooperate with UCF in a positive way. I love to be team leader and to show others how far you can go. I will contribute to UCF by fighting against negativism and by helping the student body of the UCF community to build and maintain a healthy, safe and beautiful community. For example, volunteering to help other students, clubs or even any department that seeks for my help.

I believe the qualities and characteristics I posses that would allow me to contribute to the UCF community, is that I try to show everyone that everything is possible if you work hard and never give up, that I strive to eliminate stereotypes or discrimination against any flaw that the student might have, change people's preconceived notions, and show my peers that it truly is what's on the inside that counts, your desire to achieve what you set in mind already. I would do everything in my power to grow and to make UCF grow bigger as well and become a contributing part of the UCF community. If I am given the opportunity UCF will no be disappointed of the decision that has made.

Jan 29, 2009, 12:20pm   #
hey you missed the latter part of your prompt ;) you shouldn't put it too long in the headline..rewrite the prompt and so those who give comments can stick close to it and help you make improvements on your essay ;)

"I Picture that if somebody asks the people who know me best they will describe me as an independent, persevering, enthusiastic and abiding goals type of person. In other words distinctive or unique "

this opening is a little bit awkward for me..you can try to rewrite another one better...

"In other words distinctive or unique " : this sentence is fragmented.

"I don't believe in giving up, but I do believe on in getting up and overcoming all obstacles and reaching my goals and dreams realizing my dreams. This is why I believe that my person will contribute or cooperate with UCF in a positive way. I love to be team leader and to show others how far you can go. I will contribute to UCF by fighting against negativism and by helping the student body of the UCF community to build and maintain a healthy, safe and beautiful community. For example, volunteering to help other students, clubs or even any department that seeks for my help "

you should diversify your sentence structure..while reading this paragraph, I'm flooded with sentences starting with " I will" or " I believe"..this makes your essay not really strong...

just my 2 cents :D
good luck ;)
I imagine (or believe) that if somebody asks the people who know me best, they will describe me as an independent, persevering, enthusiastic and goal oriented type of person.

This is why I believe that my person will contribute toand cooperate with UCF in a positive way.

For example, volunteering to help other students, clubs or even any department that seeks for my help.

I believe the qualities and characteristics I posses that would allow me to contribute to the UCF community, is that I try to show everyone that everything is possible if you work hard and never give up, that I strive to eliminate stereotypes or discrimination against any flaw that the student might have, change people's preconceived notions, and show my peers that it truly is what's on the inside that counts, your desire to achieve what you set in mind already.
This sentence, above, is way too long, you need to divide it up.

If I am given the opportunity UCF will not be disappointed by their decision. that has made.

:)



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