Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3


Improving skills to get into an undergraduate program.


monisol 1 / -  
Mar 30, 2015   #1
Endotherm is the term used to describe animals that are capable, by their own, to maintain the same body temperature, despite the environmental climatic changes. Humans, birds and most mammals have this characteristic. Other kind of animals like reptiles aren't endotherms. But what about dinosaurs?

Considering dinosaurs are commonly associated with reptiles, one could think that they weren't endotherm creatures. But there are plenty of theories that suggest that, in fact, they were.

On one hand, we have the passage, where they expose the high probability that dinasours were endotherms by giving three logical explanations. The first, mentions that the ability of dinosaurs to inhabit polar regions could only be possible by being warmer than their surroundings. The second theory is based on the fact that this creatures had their legs below their trunk, so they could sustain physical activity for prolonged times, just as actual endotherms do. And last but not less important, they talk about the composition of the bones, where structures known as Haversian Canals, are characteristic of those animals that own a fast growth rate as endotherms.

On the other hand, we have what is discussed during the lecture. Despite the logical form in which the three theories were presented, they think that they don't probe that the dinosaurs were endotherms, and postulate other possible explanations. The first statement could be explained by recalling that polar regions today, could have been warmer in the past, and that dinosaurs used other ways like migrating or hybernating when the weather conditions were harsh. Regarding the legs' position, they postulate that was a way to support more weight.. And that in addition to Haversian Canals they also had Growth rings, structures that were typical in animals that have fluctuating growth rates, rather than fast, as the endotherms do.

There are many clues about dinosaurs, and each day we know more about them. But the only chance to know if they were endotherms, would be traveling in time, and seeing it with our own eyes. Otherwise we will still arguing with the little we know.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 1, 2015   #2
Endotherm is the term used to describe animals that are capable, by their own, to of maintaining maintain the same body temperature despite ---- I changed some words and deleted a comma.

Other kind of animals, like reptiles, aren't endotherms. But what about dinosaurs? -- I deleted unhelpful words and added commas for clarity.

The first, mentions that --- It's not necessary to have a comma here.

...is based on the fact that this these creatures had their legs below their trunks , so they ...

On the other hand, we have what is discussed during the lecture. --- It's better if you revise this sentence to include some mention of what was discussed in the lecture. Be specific, especially in the first sentence of a paragraph.

...they don't probe prove that the ...

There are many clues about dinosaurs, and each day we know more about them. --- great sentence

Otherwise we will still be arguing with based on the little we know.
EF_Jasmine - / 68 39  
Apr 1, 2015   #3
And last but not less important, ( Third) they talk abou the composition of the bones, where ...
(This is a good second paragraph! Keep in mind, you do not always have to explain "what they said" or they talk about" comments. Just jump right in, you can always use the author's last name as an alternate, "Smith mentions..." try to avoid those statements to make your point stronger. I gave you a sample on the last paragraph)

... they think that they don't( do not) probe that the dinosaurs ...
The first statement(? what first statement be detailed) could be explained (...) ways like migrating or hybernating (hibernating) when the weather conditions were harsh.

... Otherwise we will still arguing with the little we know. (< I like this ending)

Hello! I see you have a good start here! Keep in mind it is helpful to write an essay that gives your reader the detailed information they may not know about. I see you have knowledge on this topic, but you wrote as if they reader knew certain facts. It was a little harder for me to read because you were referring to what was discussed in lecture and so forth. Add those details too! Good luck!


Home / Writing Feedback / Improving skills to get into an undergraduate program.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳