Pretty good! I'm applying to the College of Engineering myself, and I'd say you've done a better job at answering the prompt than I have.
the distorted man in emergency room
"the distorted man in
the emergency room"
an accumulation of biological and outside factors
"an accumulation of biological and
external factors"
-I guess it's fine the way you wrote it; just seemed a bit awkward
Stress and bad eating habit
"Stress and bad eating habit
s "
to explore human condition not only in a purely biological angle
"to explore
the human condition not only
from a purely biological angle"
Independent research, internship, study abroad
"Independent research, internship
s , study abroad"
View complex health problems in a multifaceted lens. Develop critical thinking and problem solving skills as I tackle today's societal challenges.
-This seems grammatically out of context--it doesn't flow from the sentence before it
As far as verb tenses go, what you've done, switching from past to present seems fine to me as there is a prominent time gap in your narrative, but I've been accused of doing the same thing unnecessarily by my English teachers, so I can't really say!
I'd advise going through your essay with a very fine comb. There are always small ambiguities that you might want to get rid of, and which others can't detect.
I'd really appreciate if you could review my Cornell "Eggcellent" essay for the College of Engineering! I'll post the link later.