Human interaction is afflicted from vast burst of technological advances - unnoticed but important

Hello Essay Forum,
I have been looking to apply to the University of Wisconsin-Madison and one of their prompts is this. I have written a 360 word essay about it and would deeply appreciate any criticism about it. I altered the first paragraph recently and am not satisfied with it at all. Do not be afraid to deal any harsh criticism. Even though writing is my weakness, I believe I will endure. So here goes.

Human interaction is such an important aspect of our lives; to the point where it defines us. I believe that these interactions with each other are what make us human and unfortunately they are diminishing. Furthermore people are starting to forget the importance of this bond and how it affects them as individuals. This is all because of mobile phones and our advancement in technology in general. There is so much more to this world than what is on our small devices and all what we have to do to see it is just open our eyes.

Technology is advancing so rapidly and it sweeping us away the point where we stop appreciating many aspects of life and actually start enjoying isolation from each other. For example, wherever I go; I see people spend their lives with their eyes fixated upon a page on the Internet, often times using it as a way to avoid face to face human interaction.

The worst part is when societies start believing that Facebook or Twitter can replace social interaction and even though our mobile phone can satisfy almost anything a person can; it will never have the same impact. For example, people cannot just propose or recite a eulogy on these networking sites and consider it to have the same influence. Unlike tweets or status updates, a memory is something which lasts forever in our minds and they can only be made through the traditional way of things.

Human interaction is not the only thing afflicted from this overwhelming burst of technological advances. Interaction with the world as a whole is diminishing because anything amazing in the world is now a couple of clicks away. The irony is that people will only consider what is on their phones instead of just of just looking around and admiring the world.

Even though I admire the breakthrough in modern technology but society is forgetting about very key aspects in life. Human contact is an example of such an aspect but it is overpowered by this surge of technology. The little things in life such as saying something as little as 'Hello' are what make us human.

the word[font#FF0000] furthermore[/fo are used for last paragraph or conclusion.
you have a catchy sentence in your conclusion and i think the readers will like it

I also agree that your opening paragraph is clumsy. This sentence sounds kind of weird.
"I believe that these interactions with each other are what make us human and unfortunately they are diminishing."
Maybe you can say something along the lines of:
These reactions, although unfortunately diminishing, are what make us human.
In your opening paragraph you really need to have your main point more focused. I understand that you are saying that there is less DIRECT human interaction because we have these mobile devices that interrupt our lives, but you are kind of vague as to how and why they cause us to lose the importance of human interaction.