Unanswered [13] / Featured [15] / Urgent [0]
 

Home / Undergraduate /     

'Homelessness, a social problem' - Issues in community essay


answers: 11
AzizZThreads: 2
Posts: 31
1 [Suspended]  
Nov 17, 2012, 12:06pm   #
My instructer assigned us to write about an issue that the community suffer from or worry about. Any suggestions how to start an essay about this topic or ideas
A community issue- maybe you could choose something environmental, such as littering, or recycling. Or, you could write about violence, teen pregnancy, hunger, homelessness. Once you choose the issue, explain its importance, and how it impacts the community. Then, you could explain some ways that the problem is being addressed. Then, you could write about any additional ideas you may have that are solutions or remedies to this issue. Explain how this issue will impact your community in the future, and how there is hope to stop the suffering. Good luck, if you have anything written, post it and I can edit it for you :)
Here, I just rewrote it for you.

Homelessness is a social problem that my community suffers from. It is a condition of people who lack regular access to housing, and is caused by several factors such as mental illness, drug abuse, physical or sexual abuse, and simply not having enough money.

People who have complex life issues related to mental illness and substance abuse are the most likely to be homeless because they cannot hold a steady job and in effect, cannot afford rent. Also, homeless can be caused by physical and sexual abuse. Those constantly getting assaulted by their families may choose to run away and seek refuge in the streets rather than accept a life of daily beatings and rapes. This is very prevalent among teenagers and women.

Finally, the most important reason why people become homeless could be due to the unavailability of affordable housing for low income people. This fact shows that people tend to become homeless out of unavoidable situations. There are people who do have work but they earn too little to pay for rent, electricity, water, and other housing expenses. If a person loses his job, then they obviously have no way to pay for anything at all.

All in all, homelessness is a growing issue and requires social action. This can be accomplished by building affordable housing units to low income people, protecting women and children from abuse, and helping drug addicts overcome their addictions and giving people with mental illnesses affordable healthcare.
AzizZThreads: 2
Posts: 31
1 [Suspended]  
Nov 18, 2012, 08:24pm   #
Thank you very much for your help
One more question I am required I believe a three body paragraph or the way you wrote it it's acceptable?
AzizZThreads: 2
Posts: 31
1 [Suspended]  
Nov 18, 2012, 09:07pm   #
anybody can revise my essay please do and give me any feedback, suggests and any new ideas that i can a has to be a thdded since my essay has to be three body paragraph







Hey Everyone
I Have this paper due tomorrow and so far what I have this( Essay Below) please any help in organizing it and adding any detail and if there is any grammar error please help revise thank you in advance

Homelessness , a social problem that my community suffers from. Itís a condition of people who lack regular access to housing and that comes back
to several factor as mental illness or abuse of drugs, sexually or physically abuse, and for simply been poor.

People who have complex life issues related to mental illness and of substance use are the most common people who tend to be homeless first because they canít hold a study job so they canít afford paying rent

The other reason that led to homelessness is the sexually and physically abuse that people suffers from in their own families, their own houses, maybe from the father, the mom , the wife and people who tend to encounter in those situation are especially among teenagers and women so their only escape from that neglecting is to run away from home and sick refuge in the streets where they can feel free

Finally, the most important reasons why people become homeless could be due to the unavailability of affordable housing unit for low income people. This fact show that people who do become homeless is because if a unavoidable situation. Those are people who do have work but they just canít find the one that pays enough to cope with the housing payment and its expenses .Or sometimes people lose their job and canít pay mortgages or rents no more so they end up living in the street and these causes cannot be prevented .

All in all, homelessness is a growing issue and requires a social action to overcome the unfairness that those people suffer from. Either by building affordable housing units to low income people, they would afford. Protection our children and women from the abuse they may get exposed to, if so trying to help and guide them in the right path. Lastly help our community by having program that help addicted people to overcome their addiction and help the mental illness people by affording a health care program.
Think about revising the intro paragraph - Instead of putting the subject first, try writing "One of the major problems that a community suffers from is homelessness." (Homelessness is last in the sentence). Also, try researching a fact about homelessness, like let's say there are 150,000 homeless people in Los Angeles. You can use that fact as a shock factor in your body paragraph, or even your intro paragraph by making the reader believe in your statement about how bad this issue really is.
AzizZThreads: 2
Posts: 31
1 [Suspended]  
Nov 18, 2012, 10:37pm   #
What do you thing of this introduction ?

CubiksRuber:
One of the major problems that a community suffers from is homelessness, which Itís a condition of people who lack regular access to housing.According to the institute for the study of Homelessnes and Poverty at Weingart Center, an estimated 254,000 men, women and children experience
homelessness in Los Angeles County during some part of the year and approximately 82,000 people are homeless on any given night, and is caused by several factors such as mental illness, drug abuse, physical or sexual abuse, and simply not having enough money.
AzizZThreads: 2
Posts: 31
1 [Suspended]  
Nov 19, 2012, 11:24pm   #
This is so far what i wrote please any suggests if the essay is complete or need any gramatically or detail changed
THank you in advance


One of the major problems that a community suffers from is homelessness, which Itís a condition of people who lack regular access to housing. According to the institute for the study of Homelessness and Poverty at Weingart Center, an estimated 254,000 men, women and children experience homelessness in Los Angeles County during some part of the year and approximately 82,000 people are homeless on any given night, and is caused by several factors such as mental illness, drug abuse, physical or sexual abuse, and simply not having enough money

People who have complex life issues related to mental illness and of substance use are the most common people who tend to be homeless. Serious mental illnesses, some caused from substance abuse can disrupt peopleís ability to carry out essential aspects of daily life, such as a job, self care and household management. Mental illnesses may also prevent people from forming and maintaining stable relationships or cause people to misinterpret othersí guidance and react in an angry manner. This often results in pushing away caregivers, family, and friends who may be the force keeping that person from becoming homeless.

Also Abuse and assault seem to be silent features of homeless. Studies have consistently found, in the histories of both individuals and families who are homeless, high rates of physical and sexual abuse in childhood, frequent foster care and other out of-home placements, and a variety of other family disruptions. Those constantly getting assaulted by their families may choose to run away and seek refuge in the streets rather than accept a life of daily beatings and rapes.

Finally, the most important reason why people become homeless could be due to the unavailability of affordable housing for low income people. This fact shows that people tend to become homeless out of unavoidable situations. There are people who do have work but they earn too little to pay for rent, electricity, water, and other housing expenses. If a person loses his job, then they obviously have no way to pay for anything at all.

All in all, homelessness is a growing issue and requires a social action to overcome the unfairness that those people suffer from. Either by building affordable housing units to low income people they can afford. Protecting children and women from the abuse they may get exposed to, if so trying to help and guide them in the right path. Lastly help our community by having program that help addicted people to overcome their addiction and help the mental illness people by having affordable health care programs
Nov 19, 2012, 11:35pm   #
AzizZ:
One of the major problems that a community suffers from is homelessness, which Itís is a condition of people who lack regular access to housing

My suggeston;
Homelessness is one of the major issues that a community suffers. This condition arises when its people fail to have regular access to housing.

AzizZ:
According to the institute for the study of Homelessness and Poverty at Weingart Center, an estimated 254,000 men, women and children experience homelessness in Los Angeles County during some part of the year and approximately 82,000 people are homeless on any given night, and is caused by several factors such as mental illness, drug abuse, physical or sexual abuse, and simply not having enough money

[/i]This sentence is too long and contain too many info. That makes the reader tired of remembering evey detail of it. So, better break this sentence to two or three for easy comprehension. : )

AzizZ:
People who have complex life issues related to mental illness and of substance use are the most common people who tend to be homeless

[i]This sentence to lacks clarity. What do you mean by substance use?
AzizZThreads: 2
Posts: 31
1 [Suspended]  
Nov 19, 2012, 11:41pm   #
Ok thank you for you respond i will definetly try to correct as you suggested thanks again
Nov 20, 2012, 12:16am   #
I can't help you much without knowing the essay's prompt. So please post the question.

Though, there were just a few things that grappled my attention:

1. Your first paragraph: very typical, it fails to lock my interest, nor establish yourself as a person(remember essays are an opportunity to represent the living person behind the transcript) Yet your essay seems to be very objective, as if you simply retelling research and facts that are more or less, pretty obvious.

2. "Major problems" try, "substantial predicaments"
I don't know how competitive this scholarship is, but if its a big one, then work on your vocabulary and sound like a well-read high school senior!

3, "which it's a condition of people who lack regular access to housing"
Rephrase this entire sentence please!
And avoid using contractions- "it's" - in an essay.

4. The words "homelessness" and "homeless" are used WAY too much. Either find better words or more creative ways of structuring some of your sentences, such that you won't need to say either of those two overly used words, and still get your point across.

5. "The most common people who"
Either take this entire line out or put some of it in parenthesis.

6. "Such as a job". Try "such as maintaining a job"

7. "Cause people to misinterpret...angry manner"
All I hear is this guy this and that guy that, nothing really that moves your essay forward.
So work on this line, because it does sound a lot like a pretty 10year old girl rambling about world peace and fairies, and nothing like a well established student whose attempting to reflect their 'said to be' intellectual opinion.

8. "All in All"
NO! This is too colloquial, and fails to support the highly academic tone that you seem to be aiming for.

There were a few other things that I felt needed changing, but it is very hard to decide if something is right or not, because of the little detail you give us. For example, what was the question? Is this the only essay you handing in?
And at some point in your essay, you need to discuss why this topic is of such interest to you.

Another big thing is your vocabulary. Given, the statistics and google, any high school freshman can write an essay of the same quality. So work on sounding matured, and the impact of your essay will drastically change.

Do get a second opinion, and like I said I can't really help you with such little information.
But you have a very good start so far, and I'm sure you won't struggle with producing a high quality essay.

Goodluck!



Home / Undergraduate /

Thread closed ✓