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Helping ethnic people and discovering new modern knowledge


benvo 1 / -  
Jan 31, 2013   #1
When i was a child i used to dream that i will learn oversea to master English and discover another new modern country and knowledge. In order to realize the dream scholarship I practiced writing, reading and speaking in a poor condition - no English tapes, internet and good teachers. I keep my own dream until i was lucky to enter a college (4 years) of foreign language in Da Nang University - a University in Vietnam, everything frustrated me and i had to forget my dream. I recognized that my English is not good enough to archive any scholarship whilst our family cannot afford me to study oversea. However, I took chance to communicate with foreigners although my English is not good enough to understand what they said. I decided to apply a position as volunteer in NGOs and I have better condition to improve my English, as a result, I tend to work independently and closely with communities. I have more experiences about ethnic people with poor conditions, poor knowledge, even grinding poverty. I saw that many projects have come and donated or supported money or materials for the poor without knowledge, therefore, the people rely on supports whilst they are still poor. That's why I am desire to study abroad to be a community coordinator with new knowledge and opinions so that i will be able to have more decisions and more chances to help poor people for the best ways.Therefore, the best way for my dream come true I will practice IELTS and get a scholarship to learn oversea.

I am now is working in a remote area as field staff and i am really dedicated in this job, hence, I cannot register any offline IELTS course in center. I am nonetheless lucky to have internet. I hope that my writing will be correct by you all.

I also imagine an action plan after i have captured this website, as follows:
[i] Practice by myself and our forum
[ii] Register a short online or offline IELTS course
[iii] Spent my annual holiday for practice
[iv] Take an IELTS and apply for some scholarships

I actually don't have experiences in apply for IELTS. so it is appreciated if someone who can let me know how to have some way to scholarships
stoya 1 / 6 1  
Feb 3, 2013   #2
Is this the actual essay? You may want to fix some of your grammar. All your I's need to be capitalized, and I recommend you avoid using dashes.

For example: reading and speaking in a poor condition - no English tapes, internet and good teachers.

replace the dash with ". I had no". Also, the 'and' should be an 'or'.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Feb 6, 2013   #3
When i was a childiI used to dream that iI will learn overseas to master English and discoverexplore another new modern country and knowledge.

As a kid, I used to dream about winning a scholarship that would help me studying abroad, becoming proficient in English and exploring the new cultures, people and environments. ... here I included the scholarship part too :)

In order to realize the dream scholarship I practiced writing, reading and speaking in a poor condition - no English tapes, internet and good teachers.

As I grew I wanted to make this dream a reality. So I put lots of effort to read, write and speak English despite having access to any help from material, internet or even good teachers.

I keep my own dream until i was lucky to enter a college (4 years) of foreign language in Da Nang University - a University in Vietnam, everything frustrated me and i had to forget my dream.

.... this is very confusing. I feel you better rephrase this line because it is difficult to grasp your idea.


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