This is my supplement essay for Skidmore. I think it have many problems including length, word choice.... Which parts of it do you think I must cut words or improve it with more details?
Thank You.
Community and citizenship are strongly valued at Skidmore. Please comment on ways you feel you could contribute as a member of the Skidmore community.
We hadn't been partners!
She was a person who belongs to ideas of modern clothes. She could stay awake until 2a.m to finish her fashion collections. I was addicted to fauvism. To me, drawing did not mean spending a whole day in eyes measuring, gazing at objects and hands holding pencils and palettes. I only took them when having inspiration. Most of my works were based on my intuition over painterly qualities and strident color. I always found ways to simplify and abstract subject matters. If she glared at my mind, she would only see a solid color clot. To me, she was a dull person with repeated models. We did not share the same artistic opinions and were the main rivals in every debate. We were similar only in being members of the same group in school's drawing club, the same class and the same table.
When I was in grade 9th, my drawing club's president decided to organize a fashion design contest to celebrate its 10th birthday. She registered enthusiastically with a persistent hope to get one prize. Although we were in the same group, I did not collaborate with her. It was not because I want to let her work alone. Our styles were different. She would not accept my ideas. When she submitted her first draft, the consultants rejected nearly all of them. She was really shocked and could not stop crying. Next days, she did not come to drawing club. I lacked my main competitor to argue about art works, lacked criticism about my unprompted works. Sitting alone on a bench holding her old pictures, I could not lie that I felt happy without her.
"We are friends; can we work together in this show"? P/S: Minh
It was my letter. I came to class earliest to leave it in her shelf. She looked at me with a suspicious look but still gave a nod. Five days before the deadline, we began to renew all of her collection. We shared ideas in combining color and style. Designing was strange to me but I was willing to perceive. She guided me basic step in cutting patterns, modify garment, trace the body and then sketch the designs. I changed her collection by adding vibrant color, using small strokes to make bold distortions in patterns instead of her detailed model. Our collection passed over contest qualifier but only stopped at the seventh position in twenty groups. Perhaps getting a higher prize in this contest would make her more joyful. But it didn't matter. Above all, we were willing to collaborate. I asked her to hear my voice successfully, risked my own pride to receive complaint, gained something new.
This experience was only between me and her working together, sharing ideas but we didn't lose our style. Our works were based on our own artistic opinions mainly with a part combination from the other. In a larger community like Skidmore, I and other students maybe not have the same culture, characters, and opinions. There will be people who won't like my style, agree with my opinions. But I won't be worried about it. I want to have more and more "designers" like her to exchange knowledge, to make arguments. I don't expect that one day; I will sit alone in a bench like that day. Maybe the similarity of us is only to study in the same environment. It is still a strong motivation for me to learn both life's skills and knowledge.
As an international student, I know language and culture is a not easily broken barriers. I must do a lot of things to have an open mind, expand my worldliness. But I will still ask my thought, my Vietnamese culture to be taken seriously. As far as I know, now, at Skidmore, there is only one Vietnamese student. This small number can not compare with other ethnic communities. I desire to help others know more about myself and my country. Vietnam in subconscious of somebody is still full of booms, bloodshed and backwardness. It has its own ever-lasting special features. Vietnam needs to be viewed under more-dimensional eyes. Returning to Vietnam, I will take my knowledge, experience gained at Skidmore with my friends to help them have a more open view about the United States and multiple-race communities.
Skidmore is a world of people who are open and willing to exchange backgrounds. Let me have a chance to contribute my voice, my ability to its spirit, to share my experience at Skidmore with my friends, to help others have more views about Vietnam.
So you have to cut it down to 700 characters? That is terrible. Well, you have a beautiful last paragraph, so maybe you should start with it and add important material...
