ok! thanks for the advice. i rewrote some of the essay. please give feedback!!
Right now I'm just another name in a stack of papers. This is my chance to show who I am, aside from my grades. I'm unique in character, strong, morally sound, and always reaching to meet the standards I set for myself.
Most people wouldn't see strength in a story about not making the team. In my junior year of high school I signed up for flag football. Before tryouts, the team did conditioning after school. Knowing I lack in the athleticism department, I pushed myself to improve, and to show the coach I have what it takes. So much so that I ended up pulling muscles I didn't even know I had. A week later, I hobbled to tryouts and gave it my all. Some would anticipate disappointment, but all I could think was, "So what if I didn't make the team?" I surpassed my own expectations, injuries and all. It took serious physical strength to tryout that day (and to walk afterwards). I also reflect intellectual strength. I've never been one to settle for mediocrity or accept the easy way out. All throughout high school I chose classes that were challenging and would take me out of my comfort zone. Finally, I stand up for my beliefs everyday at school, and it takes a large amount of moral strength. I can face temptation and peer pressure with more strength, because of my foundation in God. It's easier for me to turn down drugs, alcohol, or anything else that will take away from my potential, because of the strength my faith gives me.
The kind of character I reflect to others is important to me. I set very high standards and I hate disappointing myself, my family or my friends. I've always tried to be someone that is dependable and trustworthy. Even as a kid, I'd tell on myself because lying to my parents just wasn't an option. After my first kiss, I went home crying and told my mom about it because I thought I'd done something wrong. To this day, I still get teased. As cliché as it sounds, honesty really is the best policy; I always do my best to live up to that saying.
I chase after skill and knowledge because I want to be the best person I can possibly be. I can't think of anything more rewarding than being able to demonstrate what I'm capable of through what I have given rise to. That's why I've always loved art classes. Making a painting, or piece of jewelry was rewarding, I got to see my skill and hard work displayed in a beautiful way.
Hopefully now I'm no longer just a name to you. I'm a unique story of strength, skill, and character. My life reflects a special blend of values that contribute to the person I am. I am proud to say that Vires, Artes, and Mores and the values that contribute to this philosophy are reflected in my life.