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"grew up in two different societies" - How has your neighborhood shaped you?!


midnight 2 / 4  
Oct 27, 2010   #1
Prompt: How has your neighborhood shaped you?

When I reminiscence back on my childhood, the diversity in my neighborhood and cultural family aspects seem the most prominent. Sitting here thinking about the past I can just imagine the array of diversity depicted in the neighborhood where I spent most my years. I also remember running around outside the house playing Holi, or getting dressed up in bright shades of yellow for Diwali with my siblings and cousins. I grew up in two different societies that add up to the sum of me.

Growing up in a culturally diverse neighborhood has shaped me to be a more accepting and knowledgeable individual. Diversity in my neighborhood ranged from different ethnic backgrounds, income levels, and family infrastructures. Down the street from me there were fellow Punjabi's, across the street there were Puerto Ricans, and right next door lived a Spanish family. Within my neighborhood there are low income apartments as well as newly renovated town homes. Some of my neighbors were single parents, divorced parents, or married couples. I was surrounded by peers whom excelled in academics, athletics, arts, and then were always a couple of them who fell under the negative influence. As I witnessed my peer's struggle to keep up with school because they had "family issues" at home; I became more appreciative of the life my parents have provided me. As I watched my confused peer's walk away from life into the shadows and give into drugs; my motivation for success grew increasingly. Sometimes when I think about it I'm glad that I wasn't born with a golden spoon because now I am more culturally aware and have also gained knowledge of "streets"; something that can't be taught through school. Despite the cultural awareness; growing up around my family I have learned to embrace my own Punjabi culture and the morals that come along with it.

I grew up in an extended family that lived no more than five minutes from me and I can truly say that has been one of the major influences that shaped the person I am today. While most of my peers were out playing hopscotch with the other neighborhood kids, I usually preferred to spend time with my cousins. I believe growing up in an extended Punjabi family has instilled a lot of values and morals in me and helped me to stay in touch with my roots. My family is very conservative, strict, and religious, but this has helped me prioritize what's important in life. The wisdom I gained from my family has taught me to be an honest person; because that's the only way I can be true to myself. By living a life of honesty, I am being true to the person I am, my beliefs and morality.
cschupp10 2 / 3  
Oct 27, 2010   #2
This is a great start but i would make a few changes:

-How does this describe you? Add more about yourself instead of just a few ending sentences.

-It is a bit repetitive, with "I" at the beginning of almost every sentence. Add variety!

This is Good!!!
Good luck!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 3, 2010   #3
When I reminiscence back on about my childhood, the diversity in my neighborhood and cultural family aspects characteristics seem the most prominent.

Don't use "has + verb" when you can just use the verb:
Growing up in a culturally diverse neighborhood has shaped me to be a more accepting and knowledgeable individual.

Again: I became more appreciative of the life my parents have provided me. As I watched my confused peer's peers walk away from life into the shadows and give in to drugs, m y motivation for success grew. increasingly . Sometimes when I think about...

Read the essay again, and look for places where you start to repeat ideas similar to what has already been explained. Cut out the redundant parts, and make room to talk a little more about the way the neighborhood influenced your academic and professional interests. This person you have become... what does this person study? :-)


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