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'My Green Company' - Cornell Engineering Supplement


answers: 3
College of Engineering: Engineers turn ideas (technical, scientific, mathematical) into reality. Tell us about an engineering idea you have or your interest in engineering. Explain how Cornell Engineering can help you further explore this idea or interest.

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My performance in the Mathematics and Science courses have always been the most influencing factor in my interest in engineering, until two particular incidents in my life that greatly solidified my engineering passion to the point of no doubt.

It all started when I was twelve-year-old, watching the news with my parents. Sir Richard Branson, a billionaire entrepreneur, offered a 25-million-dollar-prize to anyone who can come up with a way to blunt global warming. Was such a prize necessary? How seriously could the global warming affect us?

After three years, while I was a sophomore in Norway, my Chemistry teacher decided to play "The Inconvenient Truth" in an attempt to make us visualize the role of the Greenhouse gases in link to global warning. I was simply fascinated; I finally was able to connect the missing dots and visualize the big picture. Ever since then, the quest of finding a systematic way of promoting a more sustainable, economical approach of managing energy was my long-term goal.

After three years of continuous research and a number of alumni interviews, it became undoubtedly clear that the College of Engineering at Cornell University is the ideal institute to help me make a difference in the world and accomplish something of significance. Students such as me, who are (interested?) in problems related to energy, the environment, and economic development, are enthralled by and crave for resources such as Cornell Energy Institute, Cornell Center for a Sustainable Future and Cornell Fuel Cell Institute. Furthermore, when it comes to opportunities and limits, I find that Cornell's broad number of programs, such as minoring in Engineering Management or Business for Engineering Students, is a decisive factor that would allow me to achieve my dream, leading my very own "Green" company. Moreover, while the quality of education is one important factor to be considered, I had to make sure the environment around the campus and the city of Ithica is of a fit. Consequently, and while some were lucky enough to visit the campus, I spend numerous of hours touring the campus and the city virtually. The more I spend in front of my screen, exploring Ithaca scenery surrounded by the spectacular waterfalls and peaceful countryside, the more that I can't picture myself in anywhere other than Cornell campus, a campus that offers a fascinating environment for study.

I am sure my Engineering journey at Cornell is going to be one of the most challenging steps I am about to take, but I am even more assured that I will be directed in the right path and will surely succeed in getting one step closer to achieving my dream, leading a "Green" Company that would make a difference in the world, and, who knows, maybe winning Sir Branson's prize one day.


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Even though I'm concerned about ANY grammatical errors, I'm even more concerned about the overall picture of the essay.
I really hope my passion in Cornell University is clearly shown. It's simply my dream.
Thanks for ANY, whatsoever, input.

Sep 8, 2011, 06:54pm   #2
My performance in the Mathematics and Science courses have always been the most influential factor in my interest in engineering, until two particular incidents in my life that greatly solidified my engineering passion to the point of certainty.

It all started when I was twelve years old, watching the news with my parents.

Sir Richard Branson, a billionaire entrepreneur, offered a 25-million-dollar-prize to anyone who could come up with a way to blunt global warming.

How seriously could this global warming affect us?

After three years, while I was a sophomore in Norway, my Chemistry teacher decided to play "The Inconvenient Truth" in an attempt to make us visualize the role of the Greenhouse gases in link to global warning.

Ever since then, the quest of finding a systematic way of promoting a more sustainable, economical approach of managing energy has been my long-term goal.

Students such as myself, who are (interested?)---concerned with?--- in problems related to energy, the environment, and economic development, are enthralled by and crave for resources such as Cornell Energy Institute, ...

... I had to make sure the environment around the campus and the city of Ithica is of a fit. ---I don't understand this sentence at all!

Consequently, and While some are lucky enough to visit the campus, I spend numerous of hours touring the campus and the city virtually.

The more I time spend in front of my screen, exploring Ithaca scenery surrounded by the spectacular waterfalls and peaceful countryside, the more that I can't picture myself in anywhere other than Cornell campus, a campus that offers a fascinating environment for study.

What an excellent ending!! Good luck and have fun.

:)
Hi Susan,

Thank you so much, I really can't thank you enough!

EF_Susan:
... I had to make sure the environment around the campus and the city of Ithica is of a fit. ---I don't understand this sentence at all!


Here, I wanted to explain how the environment around the campus and the city is suitable for me, and that living there would be cause no problems whatsoever.


"
Moreover, while the quality of education is one important factor to be considered, I had to make sure the environment around the campus and the city of Ithica is suitable for me?. While some are lucky enough to visit the campus, I spend numerous hours touring the campus and the city virtually.

The more time I spend in front of my screen, exploring Ithaca scenery surrounded by the spectacular waterfalls and peaceful countryside, the more that I can't picture myself anywhere other than Cornell campus, a campus that offers a fascinating environment for study.
"

Is it appropriate and easy to follow how these two sentences follow one another? Any suggestions?



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