'graphic design and illustration' - Empire state college admission essay

Hi. Any help would be greatly appreciated. I've been out of school 6 years so I'm a little rusty. I want to go for arts with a focus in graphic design.

In a typed essay of no fewer than 300 words, please describe:

1.) Your reasons for applying to Empire State College;

2.) Your personal and professional goals, and what topics or areas you hope to study;

3.) Your strengths and experiences (educational, employment, community and personal background) that will make you a successful student in our learning environment.

Empire State College is the best choice for me and I am pleased to submit an application. I am a stay at home mother so time and location are very important to me. The flexibilty of the classes and being able to do it from the comfort of my home were big factors in my decision. A degree in the arts will allow me to be able to focus on my two passions, art and family.

My family is very important to me and a passion of mine. Empire state college allows me to join the two things I value most, my family and love for the arts. I have taken numerous art classes and graphic art classes in high school, this allowed me to get an in depth understanding of how and why it is used to express ones self. I would like to obtain a degree in the arts with a focus on graphic design and illustration. This degree will enable me to have a carrer without taking valuable time away from my family. Graphic design offers many oppertunities to work from home with freelance and private projects. Being able to have a career but not putting it above and beyond my family, and still enjoying what I do is the most important aspect for me.

I did not jump into college right after college which turned out to be more benefical to me. It has allowed me to grow, experince life and find out what I value most and where I want to see myself in the future. I learned from working and being on my own about time management and deadlines; and how important they are to manage. Since I did not go to college immediatly, I have learned to be indepedent and survive on my own without my hand being held.

Overall, I feel Empire State College is the right fit for me and I'm the right fit for Empire State. It allows me to continue to be a stay at home mom and devote time to my family while giving me a career in something I'm passionate about. I will not have to worry about finding someone to watch my daughter or being late to campus classes and getting lost in the chaos that comes with having to go in. I will have a promising career and ample time to sped with my family with a degree in graphic design.

Overall it's a good essay, but it is a little bit repetitive. Since the college wants to know about you, maybe it would be beneficial to take out some of the stuff about your family and add more about you and your attributes. Now don't get me wrong, your family is important and I like that you put it in the paragraph, so don't think that you should take it all out. Also in the beginning of the 3rd paragraph you said ""i did not jump straight from college right after college", I think you meant high school to college, but you probably already say that.