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U of M essay; After I graduate from high school, I had a 9 months term before entering to college.


gksrnrdls11 1 / -  
Jan 30, 2015   #1
If there have been any breaks in your education after completing high school or between any years of college or university enrollment, tell us what you did during those breaks (e.g., work, English language instruction, or other activities). (Maximum 4,000 characters.)

After I graduate from high school, I had a 9 months term before entering to college. I registered for few coffee shops in town I live. But they never answered me back even after a week passed. So I decided to work in a place where I can work right now. I worked in a candle factory, and I paste the sticker on the candle. This job is way too hard for the students. There are a lot of dusts in the factory and I should carry heavy stuffs, so I always lie on the bed for fatigue. After a week I quit this job. I go for the factory which is better place to work than before, but I should sit down in the chair whole day. But when I started this job, I was so thankful for working this place because it was less tired and had less fatigue then candle factory. It was a place where making and separating a small component for making a car. So I always separating small components whole day. It was too hard for me, so I quit this job too after a month later. And then the coffee shop manager called and hired me as a coffee maker. So I worked there for a 7 months. If I did not work in factories before I work in café, I may have some dissatisfaction about working in café. This café was always busy and full of people so it was hard, but it wasn't that hard when I am thinking about the place I worked before. I should stand up for 5 hours in café and also carrying heavy stuffs, but it was much funny then the other jobs I had before. So I can just thankful that I had a job like this. And after I worked in three places, I had a confidence that I can work in every place whichever it is hard or not.

I worked at least 5 hours a day, so I had a lot of time after I work. I taught English to elementary school child 3 times per week. We memorize vocabulary and we did some fun activities. We sang a song in English, did monopoly in English, made a cake followed by the receipt, and did 'Three little pig' play in English. At the first time, I was afraid to teach English to them but after all things done, I was proud of myself to teach them what I know.

In English, describe your educational interests and goals and what your plans are for when you return to your home country. Please include an explanation of why you would like to study the major you have selected. (Max 600)

In Korea, people often think that person has a serious problem if they are getting a mental clinic. I want to make them more comfortable in getting clinics. I first want to build my experience in hospital, and then I want to establish a mental clinic center for everyone. Common doctors in hospital save one's life by surgery. But in these days, many people's minds are dying. I want to help them to know life is beautiful and how living with breath is happy.
confusee123 5 / 14 4  
Jan 31, 2015   #2
After I graduate from high school, I had a 9 months term before entering to college. I registered for few coffee shops in town I live. But they never answered me back even after a week passed. So I decided to work in a place where I can work right now. I worked in a candle factory, and I paste the sticker on the candle. This job is way too hard for the students. There are a lot of dusts in the factory and I should carry heavy stuffs, so I always lie on the bed for fatigue. After a week I quit this job. I go for the factory which is better place to work than before, but I should sit down in the chair whole day.

tenses are used incorrectly. You should begin with after I graduated (because you are talking about your past, so it must be in past tense) ..similarly, I decided to in work a candle factory where my job was to paste stickers on candles.I worked under harsh conditions, inhaling dust and handling heavy equipment often going to bed exhausted and drained.Due to health reasons,I quit my job and went to work in another factory,

Similarly review your entire essay and use present,past and future tense correctly. (maybe read a few articles and newspapers to see how the sentences are framed. hope this helps.


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