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The Global Connections Committee -elaborating on your activity


tdbeckham 1 / 5  
Nov 13, 2009   #1
prompt: elaborate on one of your activities (max 150 words)

Here's what I've written so far. I want it to be clear, have focus, and easy to read, doesn't have to be that creative, and without grammar mistakes. I have 173 words, so it can be more concise. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

I have been on the Global Connections Committee for two semesters, and have greatly enjoyed the pleasure of arranging and planning campus-wide international events. For instance, I am in charge of the Friday Coffee Conversation Hour, in which international students can practice English with American students. Because many students didn't know the program before, at the student organization fair I used photos and my own experience to introduce it as a great opportunity to meet new friends. I also constructed a mailing list to inform prospective participants about Coffee Hour's updates. Thanks to our long-term effort, it has now become one of the most popular ESL programs on campus. Besides, I am working on the new Global Cuisine event and I am currently reaching out international volunteers who are willing to share the food in their countries. Working for the Global Connections has been a meaningful experience for me because I have helped to create the bridges between foreign students and local students, resulting in a concrete presentation of cultural diversity on campus.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 15, 2009   #2
Well, this is a great choice of activity. To get rid of those five words, scratch out what does not help: one of the Global Connections' programs.

It will be great if you imply that you may want to promote similar programs in college; promoting diversity is a big issue for all schools.

Add the word "the" before "great pleasure."


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