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Give me a lever long enough, and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world; Why NWU


ilovesam 1 / 2  
Dec 16, 2014   #1
Prompt: What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?(300 words).And my essay is now 291 words.)

I have modified my essay for several times but I am still not really sure whether my essay answers the question completely. Please help me as NU is really my top choice. Thanks!

"Give me a lever long enough, and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world." This principle also applies to life. As I desire to gain knowledge, experiences, and challenges in college, Northwestern University turns out to be the lever and fulcrum for me, through which I can reach my full potential and gain an incredible success.

I decide to join Wildcats because of the supercharged academic in NU, McCormick College. Besides the challenging curriculum and cutting-edge research opportunities, McCormick attracts me most with the distinctive idea of fostering whole-brain engineers. Mine is to truly improve my inner self and become a roundedly skilled human through broad thinking and experiencing, rather than to only "know about" the world with no idea of it. I have developed a strong interest in technology and determined to pursue an engineering career, so I can see myself fulfilling my eagerness for knowledge and experiences through the Engineering Fist Program and throughout the next four years of my life.

The campus life here is another major point of my interest. I am attracted by the hundreds of student clubs which will enable me to play hard while study hard, and the abundant partnerships with institutes all over the world which bring great opportunities to study abroad. Through Stephen Colbert's commencement speech, I was deeply moved by the love, passion, and enthusiasm for NU from the bottom of all students' hearts. Such high culture and pride of the college is the power that unites all students as Wildcats.

I possibly have not expressed my affection for NU adequately within a 300-word limit. However, grant me a chance to enroll, and I shall hereby become a whole-brainer and thoroughly commit to the program.
sage28 4 / 12 4  
Dec 16, 2014   #2
This essay has potential, but I think it needs a little work. I wouldn't start off with a quote, its a little cliche, but try to integrate the quote into the first paragraph or sentence. Maybe something like

"Throughout my life I have had a desire to gain knowledge and experience, and I wish to continue this desire at Northwestern, along with all the challenges I may face. I once stumbled upon a quote that I believe truly applies to life, "Give me a lever long enough, and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world." My passion to learn acts as my lever and Northwestern is my fulcrum, without my fulcrum I will not be able to each my full potential and gain incredible success in this world."

I know I changed that up completely, but I think you need to somehow integrate yourself into the quote, Northwestern cannot be the fulcrum as well as the lever.

For the second paragraph, I would say...
"The supercharged academic rigor at NU, and specifically at McCormick College, prompted me to want to become a Wildcat. Apart from the challenging curriculum and cutting-edge research opportunities, what attracts me most about McCormick is the college's distinctive idea of fostering whole-brain engineers.

I am not sure what you are referring to by "mine" in the third sentence, so try to replace the pronoun with whatever it's antecedent is.

For the third sentence after the comma, I would say...

rather than superficially knowing about the world without a true, deep understanding.

Next, I would say...
As I developed an increasing interest in technology (and mathematics?), I began to aspire to have a career in engineering. Therefore, I can see that the Engineering Fist Program offered at McCormick will be extremely rewarding for myself because it will allow me to fulfill my eagerness for knowledge and experiences throughout the next four years of my life.

The next paragraph is a bit unfocused. I would say...
The exciting campus life and deep sense of community at Northwestern is a major reason for my interest. The hundreds of student clubs and activities will enable me to work hard, while playing hard, a balance I find essential. The abundant partnerships with institutions all over the world, bring great opportunities to study abroad, an aspect of Northwestern that I find unique and very appealing. By watching Stephen Colbert's commencement speech, I was deeply moved by the love, passion, and enthusiasm Northwestern students had in their hearts for their school. The high culture at Northwestern and the student's school pride is what unites them all as Wildcats and what has made me fall in love with the university.

I would completely take out the last little paragraph, but instead add on a sentence or two to the last paragraph about how you will use what you like about Northwestern to "move the world" and bring it full circle. I would also delve a little deeper personally, if possible.

Hopefully this is helpful!
OP ilovesam 1 / 2  
Dec 17, 2014   #3
Thanks a lot for your suggestion!
I am thinking of mainly talking about the idea of whole-brain engineer. Cuz I think this is the unique aspect of NU. But I am not quite sure how to "delve personally", or to integrate myself with the college's idea. Can you give some further suggestions?

Thanks again and of course I will help back! :)


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