"The Admissions Committee would like to know more about you in your own words. Please submit a brief essay, either personal or creative, which you feel best describes you." (one page)
I'm not great at describing myself in a straightforward manner, so I chose the creative option for this. I'm worried it's too ambiguous. I know that it describes me acutely, and the people that have read it (dad, friend, etc) liked it a lot, but I can't help but feeling insecure. The admissions are not going to know me as well as the ones closest to me. Application is due Monday, and I was wondering if I should keep this or just trash it and write a new one. I feel completely hopeless :(
Anyways, here goes.
I am coffee at midnight.
Abrasive to the impatient tongue, I arouse the embittered quarter of gustation until sweetened. I jump-start neurotic cables like the silkiest, darkened Columbian brew, while others drill their little heads into delta waves. My smell permeates into the quiet air, born prematurely into a dark world. I have been ground by the sharpest blades with a resound that shakes walls, filtered of all impurities and thrown to vapors. I have survived to be gulped as an untimely pleasure. I enlighten groggy esophagi and stain the even whitest, bleached smiles over time. I am a catalyst to passionate speech and to quicksilver pens, but beware: caffeine sprints at the front of drugged marathon, a licit drug, but a drug nonetheless. At the bottom of an empty porcelain cup, I am acquired taste. One learns to love me.
I am the platypus.
Water and land tear me between their vast abyss. I have lived so many animalistic lives, and from each I took away what I need most: a bill, to magnify my voice; retractable claws to fight enemies and invite friends; venom to spice it all up. I evolved for the world and exist in the solidarity of a last family member. Others have mistaken me for a myth or a convoluted hybrid, but I have always secured my identity. Maternal extinct can drive me to the point of self-sacrifice. I am a scavenger, taking the best of what I can uncover. I am evidence that each thunderclap is God laughing up in heaven, that mother Earth can giggle seismic waves right through the land. I am the hunted of a species outlasting many of its predators. For all the humor in my resilient patchwork, I will undoubtedly intrigue those who cross me.
I am an open window.
My dusty curtains billow in the wind, consoling the walls of a house long forgotten. I throw my shutters open for absolution. Those who seek deeper breaths will always find them reflecting off my glassy panes. In the past, I have ushered smoke out of burning rooms. I have been a portal to greener grass in a girl's nightmare. I could never boast the abilities of a door, but I am so much more than that. I pour light onto your pressed eyelids the morning after and moonlight onto your tear stricken hands. I am a second chance.
I enjoyed the essay b/c it is poetic, but it's still on the ambiguous side. U should try incorporating more explanations versus/along with metaphors.
My favorite segment was "I am coffee at midnight"
I considered attempting to incorporate more explanations, but I'm unsure of how to do it without interrupting the style and flow of the paper.
Would you have any idea as to how I might do that?
Bear with me b/c i.m an applicant as well lol
If it were me I would choose the segment that most describes u and focus ur essay on that on topic like "i am coffee"
Like use ur "I am coffee" statement then expand on ur already written ideas.
This is why i am an acquired taste
I am sharpened blades b/c...
U dont want 2 send the admissions officers into a stuper and try to decode it themselves. Only give them one possible way to read this essay--from ur point of view. My mom has friends that are admissions officers and they prefer the straight forward approach.
Thanks for telling me that last part.
My idea was to write it this way, not only because I'm better at it, but because I figured they would tire of personal anecdotes and adjective descriptors. I appreciate your suggestion a lot, but I think I'm going to have to abandon this paper. I know if I try to edit it, it will destroy the original content completely.
Blecccch.
i.m sorry if i discouraged you
b/c i truly enjoyed ur writing
its just that even at some of the most prestigious universities i have found that not all of the admissions officers went to that university and/or do NOT have the intellect u think that they would
Hmm.. I wrote my essay in this format. I feel so unoriginal now.
Anyway, I definitely enjoyed reading this. It's creative and well-written, and I think the admissions officers will recognize that. However, I also agree with myates that you may need to be more direct. Other than that, I think this is a good essay.
Wow, this is awesome! Some kids write words that sound poetic but they misuse them and lose the meaning... but not you! if you are worried that it is too abstract, add one paragraph at the end to be more straightforward! You can explain it all at the end. Come right out and tell how these traits led you to choose this school or this major.
