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Frustrations with an internship. UC prompt #2 Describe an experience.


dzup36 2 / 5  
Nov 27, 2013   #1
Hey guys. Any advice or criticism is greatly appreciated. Thanks you so much for reading.

An office job at a multibillion-dollar corporation, that is the dream job, right? Not necessarily.

In the summer of junior year, I took a paid internship at a multibillion-dollar international logistics firm called Global Logistics Properties.
After a prolonged elevator ride to the 43rd floor, the doors opened and the stern office smell took over the scene. The men and women, dressed in appropriate attires, greeted me with politeness and professionalism, as if I were a real employee.

I was pleasantly surprised by the type of work handed to me; they were not the usual "copy this, scan that; print this, deliver that" type of high school intern work, but legitimate company tasks that held responsibility. I worked diligently to live up to my supervisor's trust: 18 translated PPTs, 6 company annual income summary reports, and hand-typed Excel spreadsheets that extended over 2000 cells horizontally and vertically. These were some of my trophies from the internship, safely stored in my computer.

To my own surprise, my work was not the significant part of the internship. Situated in a fully air-conditioned office building high above pedestrians, overlooking the bund, one of the most desired views in Shanghai, and getting paid a good amount, I was somehow miserable. Every morning just the mere thought of stepping into my glorious work space made me sick. There was some inexplicable frustration about that job, like choking on the thick, humid air after a mid-July drizzle.

At the end of my internship, I had to ask my supervisor.
"I know this is a high-paying job, but working 9 hours a day like this is truly exhausting. How do you cope with it?"
"Well, as far as I know, no one in the office has to cope with anything. We genuinely enjoy the nature of the logistics industry. The wage is merely a bonus."

Suddenly, a quote from an autobiography struck me. "The only way to do great work is to love what you do.", I guess Steve Jobs had warned me already. He was exactly right; it truly matters to do things for passion, or else misery will become the theme of your life.

I was proud of the fact that for the first time, I was able to challenge my upholding of money through firsthand experience. To some, this may seem trivial, insignificant or even childish; but to me, it was a great leap forward and a vital correction of my values.

This experience had taught me a lesson, perhaps the most important one: know your priorities. I am no longer that money-driven child who prioritized income over passion. Now that I'm free from that constraint, I am open to pursue my true interests.

That unexpected frustration, that unexplainable fatigue of the "dream job", was the greatest treasure from my internship.
Kondite - / 44 9  
Nov 28, 2013   #2
To make your essay more effective, elaborate on this sentence ("I am no longer that money-driven child who prioritized income over passion.") in the beginning of your essay so that at the end of your essay, it feels like you have changed for the better. Overall, it tells what you did in and what you learned from your internship.
Virgo 2 / 4 1  
Nov 28, 2013   #3
An office job at a multibillion-dollar corporation

A job at a multibillion-dollar corporation
I feel there is a stigma that office, blue collar jobs aren't the "dream jobs" of kids. You are contradicting yourself when you say that a dream job is an office job.

as if I were a real employee

as though I were a real employee

that held responsibility

I would preferably change this to something like "..gave me the feeling of responsibility"
I get what you're saying 100%, but It's probably just an awkward idiom for me.

These were some of my trophies from the internship, safely stored in my computer.

I would remove that, or at least reword it to be more streamlined with the previous sentence. As it is now, it's a misplaced branch on the tree.

To my own surprise

To my surprise

I had to ask my supervisor.

I asked my supervisor

I guess Steve Jobs had warned me already.

I would remove this sentence and put his name in the sentence with AUTOBIOGRAPHY. It'll provide a more concise structure of what you want to say.

I was able to challenge my upholding of money through firsthand experience

I want to see more of an anecdote on how this relates to the person you are. I'm kind of confused as to how this experience shows your personality. I agree that you did had the sudden inspiration by a quote in an autobiography, but it doesn't explain the lasting effects of this experience.

This experience had taught me a lesson, perhaps the most important one: know your priorities.

How? How did this experience teach you this? I wonder if I'm reading too much into this, but good essay. Keep working hard!
Jeremy Newcastl 4 / 8 2  
Nov 28, 2013   #4
Thank you Virgo for the comments, I've learned something here too. Am so busy with my job that sometimes just cant find all the time to sit down and write it properly, am using a service for editing academic paper, these guys help and advice, well I got a good support for my Research paper there.


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