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My friend - the person I'm close to the most


doremi 1 / -  
Dec 28, 2009   #1
The person I'm close to the most is my friend. Her name is Thuong. We have known each other since I was in grade 7.

To me, she is really special girl. Not only does she has a good appearance, she also has a good personality. She is cute and pretty. She has long black hair, a round face and a straight nose. Especially, she has a charming smile with two dimples, which made a strong impression on me at the first time I met her. However, the thing that makes everybody like her the most is her personality. She is very modest. She's one of the best pupil in my class. She's good at every subject, but she never showed pride in her abilities and always tried to learn harder. Besides, she's always ready to help her friends in their study. That's why many people in my class cherished her. Furthermore, she is very warm-hearted, friendly and sociable. She likes to make friend with everybody and takes part in the society organizes. As a matter of fact, she became a student of the medical university now. Moreover, to me, she is a great friend who always knows how to take care and share. Whenever I'm sad or cheerful, happy or in sorrow, she's always next to me to share with me. Sometimes, I get into trouble, which makes me tired ,worried and discouraged, she is always willing to come beside me, help me calm down, give me helpful advice so that I can come over. Not only that, she is very reliable, I can share her my secrets without a bit worries. She is really a person who always listens to me, understands me every time and every where. That's why she became my close friend. I always feel proud because of having a great friend likes her on my side.


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this is the first time I post my essay on this web. Therefore,I feel not really self-confident.I hope I can receive your help. Can you check it for me, please!
erinhcho 6 / 20  
Dec 28, 2009   #2
this essay is for college admission?
hmm... i know it is very a descriptive essay, but it is not strong enough to write for your college.
add some words to your sentences and you have some errors in your sentences
fix your sentences which starts with "That's why.." (except first one)
i think you can write those the other way as well

you don't even need three sentences for
The person I'm close to the most is my friend. Her name is Thuong. We have known each other since I was in grade 7.

My most closest friend is Thuong, who i have known since when i was in 7th grade.
(like this.. i don't even know my grammar is correct, i mean you can eliminate your three sentences to one sentence)
i am saying that your some sentences are really short.
i know its complete sentences but you can add more!

Hope this helps, and good luck on that! :-)
gumdrop41 6 / 30  
Dec 28, 2009   #3
Hi there

Is the prompt of this essay simply "the person I'm closest to"? It seems a bit strange because if this is an essay for college, it doesn't really reveal anything about you

To make the essay stronger, you can try incorporating stories in. I love all the descriptions and detail you have, but try to "show, not tell." But it's great in the way that readers can really feel your love for Thuong.

If you post some extra information on the prompt, I could probably give you better help. But good job so far! :)
louislbl 1 / 4  
Dec 28, 2009   #4
My most closest friend is Thuong, who i have known since when i was in 7th grade.

REVISED
My closest friend is Thuong, whom I have known since 7th grade.
erinhcho 6 / 20  
Dec 29, 2009   #5
thank you :)haha i am not good at grammars


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