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'My friend and Orlando Culinary Academy' - WHY DID YOU CHOOSE TO APPLY TO UCF


sushisbaby 1 / 2  
Feb 17, 2009   #1
Hi I found the website and it looks really helpful, I was wondering if somebody can help me revise it?

Living life is an obstacle and choosing the right path can get difficult. Every year for the past 3 years I've been thinking about what I wanted to do after high school, of course college was the answer but in reality I didn't know which one to attend. I search through the websites that offered to help me search for a the right college. I had trouble looking at universities out of town because I didn't want to go alone to an unknown place, I still think of the world being a little scary, but I am going to have to overcome that fear.

My best friend is moving to Orlando, Florida to attend the Orlando Culinary Academy after she told me I started searching for universities in Orlando that offered Art as a major. After reviewing many universities in Florida I found University of Central Florida and it interest me because it offers a major in Art and the school is placed in Orlando which means that I wouldn't have to go to a university by myself.

I've been in the UCF website many times and I can't get enough of it, UCF has a beautiful campus, and a student quote states that, "The teachers all really do care about [the] education, [which] classes are small, [and] there are clubs for everyone". It is very important for me to know that the classes are small because it means that teachers are more connected with their students and can teach better. UCF also grabbed my interest because it offers sports and being the goalie at my high school it would be awesome to play for a university also. What makes UCF very special is that its located in a city teaming adventure and where people can experience the culture of it.
Gautama 6 / 133  
Feb 17, 2009   #2
Hello, sushisbaby. Could you give us the exact peramaters of what the prompt of the essay is. For instance what is the word count supposed to be?

Also, most of the things you mentioned about the school are very general. Such as a beautiful campus, caring teachers, small classes, etc. These are things that most schools try to advertise about themselves on their websites. Try to get more in depth with exactly what makes this school stand out to you. For instance what specific programs do they have that you would like to take advantage of? Instead of saying that the city is special because it is full of adventure tell us why it is special to you personally instead of just to anyone. For instance maybe this city would be ideal for your career choice as it is a prime location for potential internships.

"I found University of Central Florida and it interest me because it offers a major in Art and the school is placed in Orlando which means that I wouldn't have to go to a university by myself."

If you write this it seems like the only reason you want to go to this college is because your friend is going there and it has your major.

What the reader wants to see is that you have a reason to go to their university that goes deeper than its general advertised propaganda. Everyone knows about the value of small class sizes, nice weather, and teachers who care but try to go deeper than that. Good luck!
OP sushisbaby 1 / 2  
Feb 17, 2009   #3
the minimum words is 250 and thank you for your help
OP sushisbaby 1 / 2  
Feb 17, 2009   #4
What else could I put on the essay??
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 17, 2009   #5
Every year f For the past three years , I've been thinking about what I wanted to do after high school; of course college was the answer, but in reality I didn't know which one to attend. I searched through the websites that ...

Good job giving reasons for your choice! I suggest you add more reasons that are related to your intended major. What if you had to choose a career right now, this minute, what would you choose? What do you want to accomplish with your life? MOST IMPORTANTLY, what is it about this school that makes it better than other schools for helping you to achieve your goal?

Say the most important sentence in the first paragraph, preferably at the end of it. Then, give all these reasons. Then, in the last paragraph, don't just end after What makes UCF very special is that its located in a city teaming adventure and where people can experience the culture of it. Instead, add a sentence that tells how it's resources, programs, or specific professors will be BEST for your particular aspirations.


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