Hi guys! The following is my Common Application essay and I would love to know what you think about it. I know I'm not a very good writer, so any feedback for improvement will be greatly appreciated!
Prompt: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
Word Limit: 650
Fourth grade was finally over and it was a hot, June day. I was awakened by the footsteps of my mom entering my room.
"Dad and I have decided to send you to India for fifth grade; your flight is next week."
"But it's only been a week since summer vacation started! Why?"
"Well, the new school year has already started in India and we want you to be exposed to the education there."
"Fine!" I agreed reluctantly.
Although my parents sent me to India for the education, I learned far more than what was expected.
I reached India safely. Right after my arrival, I took a taxi straight to a boarding school called Parkwood. When I walked into my first class, I was so surprised. The materials were completely different in comparison to what I was used to in America. As a result, settling in was difficult. The only teaching aids available to the teachers in India were chalk and a black board. There were only twenty-five computers to be shared among one thousand students. In addition, teachers never provided help outside of class. Hence, students were expected to fathom lectures and complete their homework independently. On the contrary, teachers in the United States have a multitude of resources to help with teaching including whiteboards, markers, overhead projectors, TVs, VCRs, CD players, and laptops. They stay after school almost everyday of the week to assist students and answer questions. My astonishment, however, didn't end there. In the evening, I went to go play some basketball. The sports facilities were awful. The court wasn't paved properly and the balls were only half-pumped. It was at this point when I realized that not everyone has the quality of life I was used to in the United States.
Because Parkwood is a boarding school, students are required to live on campus. At the end of my first day, while a school assistant was walking me to my dorm, I remember being excited to have a room to myself with my own television, closet, bed, and bathroom just like in the United States. As you probably guessed, it was the exact opposite. Four people had to share a confined cubicle with only one closet for all of our clothes. Unfortunately, we always fought for more space which stirred up a lot of chaos. It was the same case with the bathrooms; there were only seven for thirty people per dorm. Waiting a long time for my turn really annoyed me. Along with that, there was no hot water to use for a bath. I would get cold water every single time; something that I barely imagined in the United States.
Traveling to and attending school in India for a year has proven to be an insightful journey through which I have gained a better understanding of the different social statuses that are prevalent. Had this event not occurred, my outlook on life would be totally disparate compared to what it is now. I came back to the United States with a sophisticated mind and this experience has made me realize that whatever we have is a blessing, no matter how small it may be. The majority of things that seem ordinary to me here would be a luxury in India. I don't take anything for granted anymore and appreciation has become the core of my personality.
This is a very good event to write about. In this quote here, I would recommend a few things.
"Fourth grade was finally over and it was a hot, June day. I was awakened by the footsteps of my mom entering my room.
"Dad and I have decided to send you to India for fifth grade. your flight is next week."
I stared ahead in stunned disbelief. "But it's only been a week since summer vacation started!"
"Well, the new school year has already started in India. We want you to be exposed to the education there."
They must have mistaken my reluctance for agreement, because a week later I was on a plane.
Although my parents sent me to India for the education, the experience itself taught me the most. "
Great job and good luck!
