Prompt: "For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life."
I am trying to use a previously written essay for another college I applied to with a little tweaking and this is what I have come up. I tried to use my strong poetry skills as well within the essay to add a creative twist. Let me know if you think this works well. Please give me criticisms or critiques where you see necessary. :)
A Simple Boy Made All the Difference (title)
He sits,
He can't walk.
He's quiet,
He can't talk.
Born quadriplegic,
Smiling nonetheless.
Mental retardation,
Was just another test.
Everything that comes his way,
He seems to enjoy.
He is clearly different,
But he's still just a boy.
His gentle warmth radiates
To everyone around.
His body always struggling,
But never seems run down.
A rewarding sense of self
Flow to those who care.
He provides a new experience
For those who stop and stare.
Only caring souls
Can take on this endeavor.
He is a part of me,
He changed my life forever.
Days and nights go by,
One after another.
But nothing ever changes,
He is still my brother.
My brother Brett has had a significant impact on my life. Born with the hardships described in the poem above, he is at the mercy of those around him, and dependent upon them for his every need. Without my brother, I would not be the caring, loving, and responsible person I am today. A simple boy made all the difference.
Not only did he mold my character, he taught me many other lessons in life. He taught me time management; having to balance helping take care of him, school, homework, gymnastics, and cheerleading practice all at one time was a difficult task. What others say is crazy and overwhelming, I call my everyday life. Sometimes when I thought I couldn't handle it all, a look at Brett was all I needed to stay strong. A simple boy made all the difference.
I speak and care for Brett in every way I can, and think of him in almost everything I do. I know each of his cries - whether it's pain, discomfort, or sadness. He has feelings, even though it's difficult for him to express them, and he taught me to think of others and be a more caring person than I would otherwise have been. He taught me to be the person who listens to someone's troubles and help them realize things will be okay. A simple boy made all the difference.
Knowing there are people in this world who cannot do anything for themselves, I take advantage of my abilities and the opportunities given to me. This includes using my natural athletic talents and applying myself at school. Even though it's hard work, I realize there are many less fortunate who would trade everything to be in my shoes. I strive to succeed in all that I do and persevere through every obstacle I face. Brett has shaped me with the determination to be the best I can be. A simple boy made all the difference.
My next goal in life is to be accepted into college, leaving my family and the life I'm familiar with, venturing into unknown waters. Being accepted into Florida State University is my goal, and I am determined to achieve it. A simple boy made all the difference. He will forever be in my heart, my soul, my mind. My vires, artes, mores.
This is great! The poem is great, and the inspiration you draw from your brother is, too. I think you can improve the essay by focusing more on YOUR goals. You wrote: "Being accepted into Florida State University is my goal," but i think that is not a good goal. You need to make some room to talk about what you are going to do with this inspiration, with your intended major, with the resources at FSU.
Can you make some room to discuss -- at the beginning of the essay part and then again at the end -- your goals and aspirations as they relate to one or more of those concepts. You must spend some time to show that you understand those three concepts. Ideally, you should show that you understand them by referring to them in relation to you and your brother.
Good luck!!!
